Plague House update: Me: Day 6, lingering cough Wife: Day 4, feeling rough, in bed Son: Day 3, feeling rough, in bed Daughter: SEEMINGLY IMMUNE AND GOT ME TO DRIVE HER TO THE GYM AT 7AM
Laugh · Life
151 posts in Laugh that are people’s own lives and social moments, where the model is sure of the intent. Page 1 of 3: the top 60.
Ranked Bluesky · Mastodon
About 6 in 10 posts here get an intent label; the model only labels the ones it is sure of.
Just wrote as an explanation as to why I DGAF about gender: "There is nothing short of a magic spell cast by an S-class fairy godparent that could have my external self match my internal self (and I think they'd need hazard pay)."
Making pasta sauce from scratch in a Korean Airbnb with frankly abysmal tools. Me: "I think I've done alright. I'd have @siracusa over for dinner." Lucy: "Great! He could bring his new mousepad over to show us."
Mr Bait just came down and said, "Good job I saw you eating jam this morning!" I had cherry jam on my toast and, unbeknownst to me, a blob fell off onto my jumper. He found it on the bathroom floor and, because, well, I frequently have things go wrong, he thought for a moment I'd done something horrible to myself and hadn't noticed yet. Again. But no. Jam.
I somehow managed to get to 51 and a bit years without knowing salt goes in the shaker with more than one hole and the pepper goes in the shaker with one hole. I apologise to everyone I ever offended who came to a dinner party and wondered what psychopath my wife had married
I was 'the girl in the hat' because I insisted on going to school in a fedora and I carried around a notebook where I wrote stories. Once, returning from a school excursion I was the only one who had working batteries in my boombox so I forced the whole school bus to listen to 'Hey Jude' on repeat.
Younger daughter "I need a fake moustache" Me "When for?" YD "Tomorrow for school" Me "Bit late to ask" YD "There is literally a box marked Moustaches and Wigs" Me "You've known me long enough to realise that might be a red herring" YD "Is it?" Me "No." YD "You are not tuff"
Went to a birthday party for one of my kids' classmates. There were a dozen white dads all in Carrhartts, hoodies, trucker caps and the same beard, and there was me, regretting my shirt with buttons and pants with stripes. An gathering of Amish or Orthodox Jewish men would have had more variety.
When I was a kid, I loved stories where a lord, count, or baron answered the call of adventure. So, I wanted a title of my own and to answer the call, too. The closest I ever came to that was the day the pizza delivery guy called me "Chief" and invited me to have a few beers in his rusty van.
Encounter in hospital lift: toddler stares at me. "Why's that lady wearing a mask?" I answered: because I'm protecting myself. His mum: there's lots of bugs in a hospital. 🙃🙃🙃 And yet no other masks to be seen.
Unlike the past years of my life, when it gets late, I just completely shut down. Need sleep. No helping it. Girlfriend has taken to calling it "turning into a pumpkin." Humiliated and adored any time I start to get super sleepy and I hear the loving coo of "oh no, she's turning into a pumpkin!"
Do you want to come to my apartment warming party? “Who’s going to be there?” Me. “Who else?” You. “Anyone else?” Probly not. “Does that count as a party?” Depends on what we do I guess. Oh, I forgot. There’s also a mannequin!
me on weekdays: I'm so busy with work. I'll do this housework on the weekend. me on weekends: Wow that week was stressful. I need downtime. I'll do this housework during next week. me today: Why no clean underwear?!
First year university hall residence I was voted "most likely to appear on the 6 o'clock news". I have no idea what that meant. My entire personality at the time was "depressed".
Friends are renting a cabin in Mt. Hood and this was one of the notes left in the guestbook. What the hell does this even mean???
I was sat on the bed the other day pulling my boxers off and my wife said 'You spoil those dogs.'
I have submitted a message requesting a dental appointment. This is not the same level of adulting as GOING TO a dental appointment, but I feel it deserves recognition.
Let it be known that last night, at 11pm, I made myself porridge. I added clotted cream, nutella and a seed mix. (I almost mis-typed that as "Sex Mix") It was glorious. I might do it again tonight. THIS is what true freedom means to me.
someone sent me a nice personal (i thought) note about a project i worked on over a decade ago. after mulling over it in the back of my head for 3 days while attending to more urgent matters, i finally wrote a response. the reply comes 7 minutes later and ends with "(full transparency: i'm [name]'s AI assistant, helping him with emails)" this shit is going to break me yall.
Me looking at all the tasks I still have to do on BIG DIG #pixelart #indiedev #gamedev
I will never care if BlueSky is popular. I did forensics in high school. That's where you travel to other schools with a prepared acting piece and get judged against other students doing the same. Theater kids, but *competitive*.
I bought some "anti snoring" nasal strips today and just looked at the back of the packet. I'm confused. They were out on the shelf, and the store was DEFINITELY less than 30°C. I'm not even sure where i can store these that will remain above 30° at all times 🤯
anything by Ed Ask-ew, but particularly songs from his album “Ask the Unicorn“ #DontAskASong #HashTagGames
Nearing the 33rd anniversary of staying in a Best Western in Anchorage, Alaska, eating grilled cheese sandwiches & reading Salammbô while listening to Steely Dan on the radio. At 3am in the airport bookstore I was helping to open I placed a copy of Fear & Trembling on the shelf. It sold immediately.
The body dysmorphia has been in high gear the whole cruise so far. There’s been so many shirtless gods by the pool that I’ve felt like a gross un-muscled blob this whole time, only taking my top off in the privacy of the balcony. I hate it. I’ve got a lot of work to do when I get back to change that
Having a cursed bbq day
Sat in the GPs surgery & there's a woman on her phone very loudly discussing that she needs needles & a restraining order... I think her Mondays are a lot more exciting than ours 🤷🏻♀️🤣
Record shop visit with a friend: -Mistook Morrissey for Charlie Kirk -Learned that The Greatest Showman is metal -Found out Trapt and Meghan Trainor are shelf buddies alphabetically
I sure would like to be making something delicious for Thanksgiving tomorrow, but instead my sinuses are throwing a fit at the weather and I have a headache that's making my ears ring. It's a bit like turning into an old television set when it had a good aura of static gathered around it.
Damn good thing they're not a laxative, cos I can easily put away half a pack of the dark choc covered ones in a single sitting 😂
A story in two images about my sleep pattern today.
An interesting encounter up North. We checked into our lodging then met up with friends for dinner. We pulled up to our place after to find a black bear tearing apart the trash bins full of the previous occupants’ garbage. We drove away to the office. Where we were told that’s just Bear-tholomew.
5:01 AM, the cottage bedroom: I made a robust vegetarian meal last night, and we savaged it like wild creatures. We both ate so much that we decided to save dessert (pumpkin-walnut cake) for breakfast. I plan to heat the cake slightly, then top with cream cheese. *tiny shoulder wiggle* ✨️✨️✨️
Interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume? Software developer: Ohh, right. AI
Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your resume? Designer: Yes, if you turn the page over you can see all the words are printed on that side
Executive dysfunction question: Do you put off tasks until the last minute? Me: Nope, I would never Also me: *puts off cooking until I'm too hungry to cook* Here's a recent photo of a hare.
Result of today's cooking adventure: verified that the kitchen smoke alarm works. (Don't worry, nothing was on fire, just a touch too hot... and I needed to open the windows. It was fine! The resulting naan was delicious! Just messy.)
“Still punk as fuck” I whisper to myself as I take painkillers with my high protein high fiber breakfast smoothie
The thing about having three littermate puppies is they don’t default to human communication. Dog is their mother tongue, so they tell you they’re happy to see you by gently chewing on your face Add this to my semi-verbal husband who mostly communicates by sticking his finger in my ear and
Soda is always a semi regret because fun peanut fact. I can’t burp. So I’ll just be hiccuping for an hour. But, zero sugar vanilla howler root beer…..
8yo: What does “procrastinate” mean? [A few moments later, after having her question answered and being asked to clean something up…] 8yo: You taught me a new word, and I’m going to use it!
You know, I used to think I was smart: there was a time, in my own life, when I had assessed that I was a smart (or smart enough) person. Then I tried to read my electric bill.
Looked up the actual elevation gain on a trail I've called "flat" for six years. It isn't flat. I have been lying to several dozen people with total confidence. #hiking #outdoors
I wore a Monty Python and the Holy Grail knight costume that I made myself complete with coconuts to school on Halloween in 10th grade.
"Welcome home, we're having dinner! Oh, no, we didn't make enough for you, why?" The only meals I've eaten in this house in the last week were ones I cooked. Including ones I cooked for them, too. No wonder I can't afford to do anything like get a hair cut, all my money goes to food.
Apparently I am the grungler. I am sober enough to walk home but not to fully understand. I assume this is a good thing. If so I am happily the grungler. If not wtf is a grungler?
I rented a white tux for my senior prom, only to use the jacket so I could look like Indy in Temple of Doom. My gf (now wife) and I got dressed up and then skipped the dance entirely to hit the local pizzaria/arcade. We played the TMNT machine for an hour. I am immune to popularity.
I had a couple olives from the jar in the fridge, 3 yo noticed them for the first time, and begged for one, insisting even after I said she REALLY wouldn’t like them I gave her half of one, and I stg, the combo look of disgust with the olive, and disgust with me for eating them, it was priceless 😂
Have you ever gotten shitfaced and then tried to quietly cook something while every other person in the house is sleeping? I can't believe how loud everything is. I'm stirring pasta and it sounds like there's a cement mixer in my living room. Okay I'll check back in later.
Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy that isn’t a selfie. A student made me a bracelet and asked me what I wanted on it, I said “my name” so naturally he gave me one with HIS name, spelled wrong. This describes my energy quite accurately. Patric energy.
On the phone with my mom: "Yeah its been a pretty boring week, not much to note. We don't do much down here" three minutes later "Oh you'd find this funny. Last week when I got my photo taken with Bidens I told Dr. Biden..."
so we have a slight burglary problem at work with our storage container, and our managers bright idea was to chain it shut with dog leads because “it will deter them since they will need to bring bolt cutters” guess what happened next
Good morning, comrades. You creatures of light and darkness. Shining etherea and monstrous beasts that shuffle around in the gloom, always just slightly out of sight, but waiting with jaws and tentacles for those travellers who stray from the path. Hungry. Always so hungry. Anyway you know what day it is? That's right! It's another one! I hope you have a tolerable day, friends. That you find some joy and spread it about a bit. Really get that joy out there. Force it on people. TAKE MY JOY. There's no escape. God I wish I lived on a desert island. Sleep sleep sleep. Coconut collecting. Make friends with some fish. Sunbathe. Have a nap. Dinner. Bed. Bleurgh.
Another rabbit-hole ambush. I was minding my own business, working away, lost focus and somehow ended up reading in-depth articles about mediaeval prosthetics. Damn my brain!
Far be it from me not to just let my past works speak for themselves.... but in case y'all didn't know, I once got paid a $20 bonus to instruct a flock of K-mart shoppers in how to perform the Macarena. Where image-fragility is concerned, I am unfuckwithable.
When people younger than I am lament their age online I frequently say to them that I am wearing a shirt that is older than they are, and it's true, I have three shirts that I bought in my junior year of high school, 1987-88. I just took off my favorite and I fear it's reached its end. 😭
The shop is open when I arrive. I carry the papers in and the shopkeeper hands me the scissors. I ask if she is getting earlier or I’m getting later; she says she is getting earlier. I’m reassured.
Saturday: reconfigure hot water system to burn negative price electricity Sunday: reconfigure hot water system for free electricity Happy Hours Monday: forgot to put it all back to normal, showers are cold, I'm in the doghouse
Sometimes I hyperfocus so much, I lose all ability to function outside of my task 🙂 So I put salt in my cup of coffee today and bumped my shins into 3 tables today 🙂🙂
The best part about building a reputation as a traveler among your friends and family is that, when one of them invites you somewhere and you don’t want to go, you can just say you’ll be out of town and they’ll believe you.
