Younger daughter "I need a fake moustache" Me "When for?" YD "Tomorrow for school" Me "Bit late to ask" YD "There is literally a box marked Moustaches and Wigs" Me "You've known me long enough to realise that might be a red herring" YD "Is it?" Me "No." YD "You are not tuff"
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Me: Tomorrow's our anniversary, let's go out for dinner. Wife: We have food here. Me: Thank you Captain Obvious. that was my inner voice. Me: No, we are going out. It's nice to treat ourselves.
Sitting in the café with my friends post bike ride when I get a WhatsApp call from my son. I answered it and put it to my ear only to notice that it's on speaker anyway because... WhatsApp. Everybody is now listening. Dad, you'll never guess what I just found on the floor of your bedroom. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, where's the fucking off button? Speculation round the table commences 🤦 It was a dead bird. One of the cats had brought in a bird. I have now cleaned it up. Kitty has not been reprimanded.
8yo: What does “procrastinate” mean? [A few moments later, after having her question answered and being asked to clean something up…] 8yo: You taught me a new word, and I’m going to use it!
