Interviewer: "...can you explain this gap in your resume?" Me: "No" Interviewer: "..." Me: "Entire section of my life gone. No one can explain it. Some scientists keep coming to my house with expensive electromagnetic and gravitic sensors, but they've got nothing so far. "
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General
276 of today’s 6,752 posts about general, best first. Page 1 of 5: the top 37, then 58 the model is less sure belong here.
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About 8 in 10 posts here get an intent label; the model only labels the ones it is sure of.
Mr Bait just came down and said, "Good job I saw you eating jam this morning!" I had cherry jam on my toast and, unbeknownst to me, a blob fell off onto my jumper. He found it on the bathroom floor and, because, well, I frequently have things go wrong, he thought for a moment I'd done something horrible to myself and hadn't noticed yet. Again. But no. Jam.
I was thinking "what's with all the flies in Rome". Then thought "wait – why are there practically no flies back home in Toronto?" Then I remembered "oh right the yellowjackets eat all the flies". Then I thought "oh that's probably weirder to live in a city dominated by apex predators"
Hiked up Overlook Mountain in Woodstock, NY yesterday with my kids (3 and 5 yo). It was the best hiking weather.
Little Miss, emptying the vacuum canister: WHEN was the last time you vacuumed the stairs? Me: It wasn't that long ago. You kids are dirty. Little Miss: LOOK AT ALL THIS SAND! Me: The sand from your arena boots that you deposit weekly, including today? Little Miss: ...Right. It's arena sand.
Q: Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships? A: So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
I had to get out today, to not be packing records up, or shifting boxes around until I can face carrying them to the stock room*. Went walking around a piece of heathland that 30 years ago I spent a year surveying for my degree. *back bedroom!
Younger daughter "I need a fake moustache" Me "When for?" YD "Tomorrow for school" Me "Bit late to ask" YD "There is literally a box marked Moustaches and Wigs" Me "You've known me long enough to realise that might be a red herring" YD "Is it?" Me "No." YD "You are not tuff"
I like to think of myself as reasonably intelligent. But then, I was today years old when I realized that it is infinitely easier to use a light saber than anything else to hunt things from under the couch. Relatedly, I found a tape measure that I didn’t know was missing.
Went to a birthday party for one of my kids' classmates. There were a dozen white dads all in Carrhartts, hoodies, trucker caps and the same beard, and there was me, regretting my shirt with buttons and pants with stripes. An gathering of Amish or Orthodox Jewish men would have had more variety.
Exmoor is a special place. It really tugs at my senses being at one with nature. I'll never tire of roaming here. Put my phone away to be present as I climbed the Valley of Rocks. And Safety! The rocks held me, the wind soothed and the water coaxed me to return.
FMD. Old mate (US based) is visiting again & trying to organise us to do what he wants—put on our rose coloured glasses & dance down his memory lanes. His latest idea. A *school* visit at noon, pub at 7. Won't that be jolly... 🤦 No. I rejoiced when I left school. "but it's where you met all your mates" ...who I stopped seeing within a couple of years... We still generally get on, but aren't close—some have gone full boomer (or always were & I didn't notice).
At the end of conference recess I took the opportunity for a long walk at my happy place. Three weeks full of conference, community visits, school trips and casework Now back in London with a busy week ahead
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but nobody knows how they got in there. #dadjokes
Happy 🇨🇦 Thanksgiving! Yesterday we took advantage of the lovely weather and the long weekend and went for a long walk as a family down to and around a local conservation area near the Ottawa River.
I know you're not supposed to engage with scammers, but it's a slow day.
At a time with so much anger and uncertainty and fear, pushing ourselves to break through and create opportunities to get with neighbors is so very worth it. When storms come, our neighbors provide shelter. Never had these growing up and I’m sad I didn’t. So grateful we do this.
Next week: * Drive my stuff to Hallstahammar * Move into my new 27 sqm part-time home * Begin new job at Västmanland County Museum * Mind my ex's dog over the weekend * Housing area's cleaning day with me cooking soup for the neighbours * Game-master Trail of Cthulhu And you?
What if none of us go back to work tomorrow? What if we all just shamble out of the treeline, and wander back into the sea.. What then?
Kicking open (and breaking) the glass door to the coffee shop and demanding, “Your biggest cartoon sandwich, right neeeeooooww!” The beating I receive shortly thereafter is understandable but maybe a bit lengthy.
Had a great day yesterday walking the Arroyo in Pasadena. The highlight is the magical Colorado Street Bridge. I love my new home!
thank you all for the birthday wishes. man o man was it a good birthday. got to go to kings buffet for dinner tonight and dig the fuck out on pizza. got a brand new roku tv, a bluetooth keyboard, and in storage, my own personal air fryer and microwave. that's right, i'm running the kitchen once the family bakery gets opened. i also have more presentso n the way.
That slightly awkward, though nevertheless amusing moment, when the house painter, called in to give an estimate for the hard to reach high ceiling of the staircase, asks to see the rest of the upstairs. Changing rooms are supposed to be in various states of undress.
Journey back to London from Liverpool took EIGHT hours. Should be more like 3 but trains. I met a young person who was telling me all about their job buying “sold out” designer clothes for clients (and marking them up for profit). It was a long and strange conversation they claimed to have traveled around the world even going to china first class. But apparently they never took photos.
My aunt once walked by a room full of my uncles and cousins shouting at the TV during a football game, and I was too little to understand so I asked her why they were all yelling and she said, tiredly, "They're not angry, they just like to watch their stories." Honestly I think it set me on a path.
me on weekdays: I'm so busy with work. I'll do this housework on the weekend. me on weekends: Wow that week was stressful. I need downtime. I'll do this housework during next week. me today: Why no clean underwear?!
Some poor guy got lost in the woods with his pickup truck around 1950, never to be seen again! ;-) I hiked about 5 miles in an hour and 50 minutes today. Another incredibly beautiful fall day here in southeast Wisconsin. #hiking
Friends are renting a cabin in Mt. Hood and this was one of the notes left in the guestbook. What the hell does this even mean???
I don't normally let my daughter out on our street on her bike because of cars. But this week, the road's been blocked off to deal with tree roots undermining the surface, so I let her out. She has introduced herself to 3 sets of neighbours and is now on an extended impromptu playdate.
On the plus sides: - I finally feel well enough to do things like diagnose printers, including moving the 12kg box around to different places - Having fixed the printer “enough”, I now have the paperwork for my Portuguese permanent residency appointment on Tuesday!
Found a passport photo of me age 24(ish), showed a young(ish) person. Me: Ha! Is it me or is it Terry Hall? [readers of a nervous disposition please look away now] Her: Who’s Terry Hall?
Filling out a recommendation letter for a friend and one of the questions is “does the applicant take an irrational position in controversial discussions?” and I have to hand it to them, that’s a good question.
I still have people over, but each time requires about 2.5 days of my life for the planning, grocery shopping, prep, cooking, and cleaning before and after. Part of that is based on hosting expectations in my culture, but it’s quite a commitment, and I just don’t always have the time/energy.
I was sat on the bed the other day pulling my boxers off and my wife said 'You spoil those dogs.'
Being lonely is talking to an OF Phish on Snapchat for the entirety of my grandmother's noon nap because there might be a real human behind it - sadly, seemingly not. But at least I know that I can still ignore the lure.
im giving a last mopping down the lobby before my shift is over because it is quite rainy and the lobby begs extra mopping my workmate is in the office watching me through the plate glass window and he yells thats a lost cause ! and i kinda just blow him off because i fucking know its a lost cause but someone dragged really muddy streaks through my bathroom and out the door !! then he claps for me sarcastically i guess ? which i dont even really get but it pissed me the fuck off
My kid today: “taxis are insane, they’re like Ubers you don’t need an app for”
More in General
The model is less sure these belong here, so they sit outside the ranking.
Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your resume? Archaeologist: The only available charcoal for c14 dating was in the base of the ditch and its uppermost fills.
Mrs Fieldhaven and I have (alas) returned from holiday down in Cornwall. We got remarkably lucky with the weather, so much so that on the Sunday and Monday we were on beaches sunbathing! Already missing the quiet, and the swimming pool at the converted barn we stayed at, but it was a good week away for my birthday.
I thought I'd posted this joke before, but I want everyone to know that my updated version involving a Lubavitcher telling a Satmarer that they "only have the one" got a laugh from and was deemed "clever" by a Lubavitcher today, so my ego is pretty big right now.
ME: Just got out of prison. Served 40 years. HER: Forty years?! For cutting paper with Mom’s fabric scissors? ME: Nah, that was only 20. Got another 20 for turning on the dome light while Dad was driving.
Told someone off in Lidl. She was stood in front of me in a busy queue, no shopping, trying to hold a space for someone else to cut in. I said, "Sorry, that's just bad form." She said, "Weirdo." As I left the store, another lady approached me and said, "You're not a weirdo." Epic stuff.
One day, a man sat upon a very large and flat rock. He looked up at the sky. The clouds were foreboding and dark black, and yet no rain fell. Then a frog hopped onto the rock and said, "Do you think it will rain?" The man said, "Well, I do not think so, for it is a dry season." Then the frog said, "Guess what? There is an emerald in your mouth." And sure enough, the man felt an emerald in his mouth, and it was a good day.
today I’m heading with some friends to hot springs near the volcano. no, not that resort. it’s another place where I have a ‘hookup’. this is my favorite spot in the place, both because of the view and because it has a hot side and cold side, and I like to switch between them.
Sitting in the café with my friends post bike ride when I get a WhatsApp call from my son. I answered it and put it to my ear only to notice that it's on speaker anyway because... WhatsApp. Everybody is now listening. Dad, you'll never guess what I just found on the floor of your bedroom. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, where's the fucking off button? Speculation round the table commences 🤦 It was a dead bird. One of the cats had brought in a bird. I have now cleaned it up. Kitty has not been reprimanded.
Last night, I was complaining to one kid that I wish another kid would apologize for a specific very painful experience. Kid at hand asked if I ever wanted an apology for something they did. I said yes, said the thing, and they apologized immediately. It was, frankly, deeply healing and 10/10.
But this is the same person who has told me, "That's it? It's over? You quit school?", SOOO many times!!!!!!! So, whatever. I'm going to have a good week. I'm already off to a great start. I'm approaching Rochester soon. My mother asked for my hotel name "in case something would happen to me." I'm not going to talk to her about my trip when I get back, and she's going to instantly going to assume that my trip was so awful despite all the positive reports that she'll be getting from my best friend. I don't know if I said this, but being told, "You WANTED to take the train!", is useless. Planes also smell and people are also difficult for me to tolerate on planes.
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That's like how I was told, "You didn't WANT to be on campus!", when I was suffering feeling stuck in my apartment. No, that it NOT relevant. My mother said that it was. One, being on campus was not enjoyable for me at all. Two, what schools were there that were appropriate for me after NJIT didn't work out? Stevens Institute of Technlogy is horribly expensive, AND it was going to feel prissy to me...so it would've been WORSE than NJIT was for me. My mother already told me that I "would've hated Farleigh Dickinson" just a few towns over. So I'm doing something about "being stuck in my apartment" by going on this trip. I'm not the one who's "never happy with anything."
When you teach boys how to pee standing up and outside, it’s essential to also convey that this should be a clandestine activity. This post brought to you by the doorbell video clip of my 3-year-old son wordlessly walking outside, dropping his pants, and peeing all over the front patio.
8yo: What does “procrastinate” mean? [A few moments later, after having her question answered and being asked to clean something up…] 8yo: You taught me a new word, and I’m going to use it!
Morning #UnconfinedWalks ahead of afternoon emergency freezer defrost of less than joy. Couldn't face it last night when I realised the freezer had iced up over its seal. I must, must replace.
You know, I used to think I was smart: there was a time, in my own life, when I had assessed that I was a smart (or smart enough) person. Then I tried to read my electric bill.
Sometimes you research whalesongs for spooky forest reasons while forgetting you have a phobia of the ocean. Well I remembered. We do not belong in the ocean. We had our time there. It belongs to the horrors now.
When I was a kid, we had scheduled fights. I don’t know why. It was called getting “called out.” Someone called you out and you had to fight them. I attended many of these and participated in just one. Some kid I knew called me out one day. I heard about it during school. I went home, changed my clothes, and showed up behind the grocery store for the fight. I punched him in the face until his nose bled and his friends stopped the fight. I don’t know why he wanted to fight. Status, I suppose.
When I am alone at my adopted railway station gardening or litter picking and the "See It, Say It, Sorted" announcement plays, I often shout "Sorted!" in time with the last part. One day I'll do it when there's someone here waiting and I'll look a right twit. But thankfully today was not that day.
Looked up the actual elevation gain on a trail I've called "flat" for six years. It isn't flat. I have been lying to several dozen people with total confidence. #hiking #outdoors
Not bad, NH. View of the Presidential Range (Washington, Jefferson, Adams, Madison) from Imp Face. 6 miles, 2k elevation gain. Hike powered by Almond Joy and Pecan Snickers. Gray skies from the hurricane remnants.
> "can you explain this gap in your resume" *whispering* stray bullets when I shot up the previous place. I slipped with my massive machete. it's a burn mark from my flamethrower. I spilled some napalm. I spilled some aqua regalia. I spilled some blood of a coworker on it and fixed it with Tipp-Ex. *clears throat* sorry yes that's uh, my sabbatical, I uh, took some time to work on myself. Optimized my strategy. Worked on long horizon improvements. I'll circle back on that. I'll let you know w-
Interviewer: Can you explain the gap in your resume? Yeats: I went out to the hazel wood because a fire was in my head . . .
Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I have many, many, things to be thankful for. Family, food in my belly, a roof over my head, health, love, love. I am a lucky man. And I am grateful. I know not everyone has these things and the other myriad of things I have to be thankful for. I know that I carry a lot of privilege that others may not. I wish everyone did. Still I’m grateful for all I have and especially those in my life who enrich it beyond measure. Enjoy your day, whether you celebrate thanksgiving today or not. Now on to family supper prep.
There are three things I love to do in this world in a way that feels like how plants do when they photosynthesize, like it's in my cells making pure energy from nothing, and it's squish clay, hype crowd, make ppl laugh. Yet I spent 10 hrs a day telling ppl where hospital bathrooms are. So.
Apparently I am the grungler. I am sober enough to walk home but not to fully understand. I assume this is a good thing. If so I am happily the grungler. If not wtf is a grungler?
packing for a regular trip after my last few (read: two) times packing being to go camping and raving is so funny to me. sitting here like "okay so i need clothes and meds and toiletries and... that's... it???" why did i ever think traveling was difficult this is so easy you just put stuff in a bag
The wedding was amazing. We all crowded around on the point to watch and then went back to the woods for a huge party in the rain.
"After 65 years you still call grandma honey, darling, and beautiful", I asked my grandad, "what's the secret?". "I forgot her name 15 years ago and now I'm scared to ask", he replied.
Cooking with nerds: Me: How long should I nuke this for? Her: 58±3s, depending on the size of the egg. Me: Got it.
My partner ate their avocado toast downstairs. I am not hungry. Experiment has concluded that I am only hungry when visual stimuli is present.
Mono Lake, California. The weather was perfect, and most of the time we were the only two. So quiet. #Roadtrip
Being a full-time care taker of an 8 month old means my Monday through Friday is booked solid. But, when the weekend arrives, I have time to do things I need to, like get to the gym. I highly recommend Sunday's because all the gym bros are too hung over to get there and it's much more quiet.
- @rossgrady@dood.net
This year I have standardized on using the term "douchenozzle" to describe those fucking dudes in their loud-ass cars, driving around, revving their engines, backfiring. Only I say it SO OFTEN that it has now been shortened to "schnozzle."
I loved having guests in bygone years, but I’m a single dad with no money. Proper hosting takes pretty significant resources. (Covid put a stop to our parties for a long time too of course, shifting our home further into “cluttered full time working studio” mode)
Content warningBad language (F-Bomb)
Over coffee this morning, Collette asserted that I had a strong dislike of X. I told her that wasn’t true, why would you think that. C: Because you said it. S: I don’t recall ever thinking it, let alone saying it. C: Well you said “I fuckin’ hate X”, doesn’t that sound like something you’d say?” S: You can’t just put “fuckin’” in a transcript as proof that it’s authentic. We had a good laugh over the exchange. Neither one of us changed our mind. (I do say it A LOT)
A friend just died. I hadn't seen her in a few years since she moved to the outer burbs. We shared a lot: cancer, precarity, academia. We enjoyed each other's ironic sense of humor. I'd see her social media activity and say, hey, there's Yvonne. Until today, her daughter posted: Yvonne died.
Forgot to mention, I’m back in #Málaga!
Went and visited friends back in Saitama, this time in Ageo. Man, I love the slower pace, bigger space and chill atmosphere. A bit more rural than my spot in Chiba, but still a nice recluse spot. A happy juxtaposition compared to my daily Tokyo commute and workplace. What a happy day
3 good things for yesterday * Visited my sister * A mostly sunny and relaxed day * Managed another drawing #3goodThings #ReasonsToBeCheerful
I never get to speak Spanish. Today at checkout, the woman in front of us had trouble with her card. They got it to work. She and the checker spoke in Spanish. I wanted to help, but kept quiet. We have reusable bags. Told the checker, No necitamos las bolsas, tenemos las nuestras. And she smiled.
A pair of assassins named Terms and Conditions
One thing about a new child is I’m seeing lots of bits of days I’m much less familiar with. Turns out watching the Lord of the Rings through the night with a tiny warm human snoozing on you is rather pleasant. (Although the cats are regularly shocked by his noisy farts).
In the grand tradition, I have cleaned my office at the expense of dirtying every other room in the house.
My inner mantra lately regarding romance and relationships seems to lie somewhere along the line of "I'm not single because I'm undesirable, I'm single because I'm an elusive villainous beauty that many have chased after and been swallowed whole in the process, actually I'm just really picky,"
Content warning#ThreeGoodThings
1. Cuddles. 2. Powerwasher game. 3. Partner's books came. #ThreeGoodThings
Same for me! I have a small apartment, and in addition to people (like my privileged parents who don’t want to drive more than 15 minutes) not wanting to come *here*, I can’t fit a table for guests. The couple of times anyone has come was just to see the place when we first moved, then get food out.
Good morning, comrades. You creatures of light and darkness. Shining etherea and monstrous beasts that shuffle around in the gloom, always just slightly out of sight, but waiting with jaws and tentacles for those travellers who stray from the path. Hungry. Always so hungry. Anyway you know what day it is? That's right! It's another one! I hope you have a tolerable day, friends. That you find some joy and spread it about a bit. Really get that joy out there. Force it on people. TAKE MY JOY. There's no escape. God I wish I lived on a desert island. Sleep sleep sleep. Coconut collecting. Make friends with some fish. Sunbathe. Have a nap. Dinner. Bed. Bleurgh.
the problem with touching grass is that your anxiety rushes back in, in the end. 7/10 QDUs
My wallet is a little tight this month since I try to repay my loan as soon as possible. Additionally, the car needs new MOT / inspection early next year. Aaaand then there's Christmas upcoming. So, I have a question. Can someone please step on the brakes a little!? Jeez…
Phone 19: Mama, you know you're banned from using boxcutters. You always hurt yourself by accident or destroy something. We've talked about this. No boxcutters. Me: It's not my fault. It was in the new package blade out! All I did was reach in there! 19: Sure it was.
I am quite happy to report that I finished a pen (instead of losing it) after 20 years or so.
Growing up my favorite stuffed animal was a stuffed pillow that I called “chicken” and I was in love with this damn thing. I distinctly remember one night I asked me mom was we were eating for dinner and she said “chicken” and I cried and cried and ran into my room with my stuffed animal.
Came back to the hotel with some friends and there was a coach trip so they were in the process of transporting 40-50 suitcases upstairs in the lift, which i have done myself as a luggage porter and does suck We went to get in the other lift and the coach trip leader was like um??? We are queueing?
So, I was at Dollywood last week, riding the benches while the kids rode the coasters (0/10 experience, do not recommend) and at one bench, an older couple came up and thanked me for holding down a spot for them. We laughed, they asked how much they owed me as a joke, and I was like...
smallbun today told me she had a dream last night where grandpa visited her and said "i didn't mean to go" and she said "i know, and i still love you and wish you could be here." i never told her about my own dream. wtf?
A neat thing about drinking with your wife is sometimes you realize anew how fantastic¹ she is and just start crying in the club about it ¹ I swiped that word so sloppily that my phone originally rendered "gangster" and let the record show that J is also p. gangster
Genie: "what would you like for your three wishes" Me: "one, every person in history who ever died is now a ghost on Earth" Genie: "uh that's gonna be a lot of ghosts but okay" Me: "second wish. Every living person can see every ghost" Genie: "uhh" Me: "three. every ghost becomes a bomb" Geni💥
Recently recovered from the hurricane. So relieved the house was safe and nothing was loss. Though due to a lot of services being down and new to this kind of event, ended up running dangerously low on gas so my car is stuck at the house until gas stations can start working again.
"Uh oh y'all, it's getting kinda hazy." I look around the Halloween party for a sign of recognition, anyone who remembers the tweet about the guy who raps about Patrick Swayze when he's drunk. "Uh oh y'all. It's GETTING kinda HAZY.. debudahbuda Swayze?" People ask what's up, I'm crying a little.
