Went to the little specialty market today and saw an older lady, maybe 80 or so, sitting on her little walker seat and looking bored and tired. We exchanged pleasantries and she complimented my "hex the patriarchy" shirt before sighing "fuck, I miss Quaaludes." Sometimes people are fun as hell. 😂
Laugh · Life · page 3
Further down today’s ranking of Laugh posts that are people’s own lives and social moments: page 3 of 3. Posts the model is less sure belong here come last.
Just took a #normal shit. Me - 1, Samuel Pepys - 0
4 nights in London for work so my brain is like “pack 8 pairs of underwear in case you shit yourself once per day, every day”
seconds masters going well, but socializing with new people is the real killer as opposed to classes. also its really embarrassing to have a cup of instant cereal before going to class and then your stomach growling so fucking loudly my classmates said they definitely noticed
Supposed to bring Kid 1's camp bag for next weekend to girl scouts tomorrow so it can be inspected by the troop leader but instead what I'm gonna do is say "I didn't want to" and then reassure them that I'll stop Kid 1 from bringing more Rule Following Kits than authorized.
Today is the anniversary of that time I got kicked off a United flight on the way to Worlds 2016 bc I wouldn't take off my Black Panther (comics) hat bc it made the pilot "uncomfortable" You can google it because it was the first time I went viral
I cooked today coming up with a fun phrase: "We are a rich tapestry of relationships, and I could do without that thread" Said in a convo about a person I know in irl circles who I'd be better off without. I hope the best for them, I just Don't Want To Deal With Them Anymore.
Me: loving my wife Oh gosh dang I'm upsetting the cis het white male comedians again
i was wondering what bit me when i remembered dropping a heavy fork on my foot.
Our high school banned these surveys because emotions, so someone did their own, and IF I RECALL I was voted most likely to be a serial killer, which is ironic since I'm the nicest guy ever and some of my classmates are III%ers.
In English class when I was 15 we had to bring in a song we liked and I brought in a folk song about World War One. I trained for this
Once again wishing I could get up from bed Monday morning, slip into an amazing set off fine silk robes, strap on my samurai sword and walk nimbly off to work. Like why isn't that an option? Choose avatar. Choose avatar! **pounds on keyboard**
[maybe the university looked up my feeds when they rejected my application for a masters of education a while back... oops this is a live one, better not let them in!]
Broken tumble drier in the dorm is so fun :3
sometimes I get in my head about the world and I get sad, and then I have a dinner with a group of people and I remember the internet is an anger/despair amplifier and I feel better
Update: my wife finally told me “that’s enough”
Yes, I could relax after renovating the apartment for like half a year and finally moving in, BUT what about building some furniture from scratch 🤪
Halfway through leading a two-hour lecture workshop while feeling like death, I discovered that my ‘no leak’ teacup had soaked everything in my bag, because apparently the universe hates me.
(sending photo of autumn landscape to tinder match) season of mist... And yellow fruitlessness... (sending same photo to flock of migrating swallows I'm in a group chat with) this shit sucks lol. Wish I could join you guys
Husband asked why I never know how old I was in any given year. Me: cause u gotta line the numbers up and carry the 1 and borrow from tens I ain’t doing all that
Ever wish you were talented enough to overcome your eccentricities? Or is that just me? Yeah, figured as much.
yet anoþer night where i just mysteriously woke up at 4am for no reason
I have to web search everything I say to make sure it's not some weird slang
OMG, I’m evaluating this 2nd grader. I reminded her we had a three day weekend. She asked what the holiday was, so I said “Well, we used to call it Columbus Day, but he was kindof a mean guy,” “Oh, that sounds bad” “so now we celebrate Indigenous People, the people who were already here.”…
The amount of time I touch someone's shoulder in conversation and they look at me like it's the first time they've been touched in a caring way is sad. And usually it's along with my response to someone trying to have a debate, "you go ahead and feel that way, sweetie." 😂
an unforeseen drawback of being a loquacious creative who is also a parent is your young kids will ask you things like “tell me about that time you were a kid and had a chicken for a door”
My vibe has been assessed as "chill grace" and yeah I'll take that
Neighbors probably wondering why I am fixing my car while wearing a fashionable new denim jacket 🤪
More in Laugh
The model is less sure these belong here, so they sit outside the ranking.
anything by Ed Ask-ew, but particularly songs from his album “Ask the Unicorn“ #DontAskASong #HashTagGames
it's about 0430 here and i hunger for fufu thanks to a conversation i had on the #Fediverse ... would try to make it myself, but the last time i tried, i was informed i insulted my wife's side of the family's culture. they were dead serious, so i don't do "surprises" any more.
MrsD, heading into another clothes shop: "I won't be a minute". Me thinking, that's true, you won't! 😉
i was like "why am i so fucking irritable today" while i was at the shops and then i was like "oh i need to buy coffee because we ran out yesterday OHHHHHHHH"
Forgetting to put water in the coffee machine is the number 1 sign I need more coffee. 🤦
The best part about building a reputation as a traveler among your friends and family is that, when one of them invites you somewhere and you don’t want to go, you can just say you’ll be out of town and they’ll believe you.
gay yearning as i am once again alone
The shop is open when I arrive. I carry the papers in and the shopkeeper hands me the scissors. I ask if she is getting earlier or I’m getting later; she says she is getting earlier. I’m reassured.
I had a couple olives from the jar in the fridge, 3 yo noticed them for the first time, and begged for one, insisting even after I said she REALLY wouldn’t like them I gave her half of one, and I stg, the combo look of disgust with the olive, and disgust with me for eating them, it was priceless 😂
I love good mixing bowls and have WAY too many. I collect kitschy chicken-themed stuff for The Great Wall of Chicken in my dining room, and startlingly large '60's table lamps. Popularity isn't even on the same planet as me.
I'm tempted to put an 'Out-Of-Office' on my emails for the next two weeks. But something is telling me I will need the distraction. Did I mention we have a museum show opening in Montreal next month. If this is me managing my nervous system then I should probably just go walk it off.
Oh my god I forgot at the gay bar last night I was peeing, which can take a hot sec bc I get pee shy, and the guy to my right looked at me and shouted “FOCUS… FOCUS” like I will light the dynamite right now and take us all down
I've lived in my current neighborhood before, and last week I rejoined the council-run gym. I was doing squats today when a staff member approached me. "Have you been away for a while? I haven't seen you here for a bit" Reader, the last time i was there was 2013.
Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your CV? Barrister: No, that would be an admission against interest.
hey chat what if i suddenly changed my name huh 'cause like i've changed everything else already and with that i've severed any connection to "Northy" as a name, proooobably for the better as that name has links to uh, you know, an arms manufacturer. there was a time i saw that as a plus, not now.
