The cat likes my wife best because she has better headbutt bumpers.
At this new restaurant I work at we have a Wagyu French Dip sandwich that is dipped into our French Onion Soup. Let me tell you how easier my life would be if caramelized onions took 30 mins.
[spends ten minutes going thru LinkedIn job listings, marking everything that mentions AI as “don’t show again”] [gets an email full of LinkedIn job listings, every one of which mentions AI _in the title_]
I have a theory: that football enables people, usually men, who never developed an emotional vocabulary (beyond rage) to feel things in the safety of a closed-loop system. And Man City have broken it.
Every time I hear "Keep San Francisco Moving Forward" I think "ON PROGRAM!" #StarWarsAndor
@RetroFan Oh, man, I haven't had peanut M&Ms in years.
Entirely fair and also goes for both genders (Fun Fact: I have provided tech support to a woman who has a "migrate boyfriend robot from a discontinued model" problem, have convinced her against spending $65000 on a private inference cluster)
Kiffin did this for the Clemson game and it was hilarious people thought it didn’t surface intentionally
Nope, you are not going to convinde me to watch SNL (*yawn*) again, by allowing Shane Gillis to host. That would not even make me want to hate-watch your irrelevant show.
Anybody who has ever had herd animals learns this, usually the hard way. Goats are maniacally good at escaping, and I spent many a fun time getting them back in to their pen.
Take #2 of banana cake air fryer style, using some tin foil on the top to try and stop the bottom undercooking while the top overcooks 🫠 don’t make me bend down and use the oven please air fryer
I was responding to student questionnaires and discovered that 2 had similar sounding answers. Ran that through Chat and voila. They both used an LLM to answer questions about their professional ambitions and goals for the class. That is a special kind of bleak
Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your CV? Accountant: My CV doesn’t contain any material gaps.
I thought Hugh Jackman was New Zealander.
While visiting family this summer, someone accidentally left most of a box of frozen, raw croissants out to thaw. We rescued them by rolling them back out and making sloppy rolls from them. Today, I bought a box with the express purpose
me: look at this amazing creative and technical work that Claude assisted me with also me: crazy how these AI agents do all this hacking without anyone telling it what to do
Being an Eagles fan these days is actually very easy: most years, you've got one of the best teams in the league, full of cool players. And in the years they fall apart, we all bond over hating the same 2-3 guys and strapping them to a catapult and flinging them out of town
#BelaLugosi apparently still #Dead
She's been trembling and sideeying me for 10 minutes now because I refused to give her some of my dinner WHICH IS NOT DOG SAFE BTW🤣 and now she's sulking big time, like I haven't fed her, walked her and gave her 3 whole snackies
my biggest evolution as a cook came when i disabused myself of the ridiculous notion that you can 'burn' ground beef
There was a stellar’s jay who got trapped on my porch! It kept trying to fly through the windows instead of out the door so I put on my animal handling gloves, grabbed bird gentle like hamburger, then tossed it out my door
Saw this at Food Lion today. Shitty titty raw moo juice gouda. That's not a snack, that's a bacon-flavored bilge bingo card. "But Auntie P, it's been aged for 60 whole days, you're just uncultured!" I'd rather be uncultured, than die crying on the throne.
This is just a friendly reminder to Fight the Flat Earth. #aiart
Asked Claude to make a short film in the style of a David Attenborough nature documentary about the life cycle of an LLM Ironically I've never been more convinced that these things are not having a subjective experience of reality.
human centipedes actually eat lots of bugs in your house so you shouldn't kill them no matter how much the front guy begs
been looking at a lot of steam games lately and ai disclosures are so funny. "we ONLY used it for two or three things but everything else was made by hand we pwomise" yeah okay you only put a little poop in the meal you made, that's too much poop, no matter how sheepish you act about it.
Even knowing my dislike of AI, my brother sometimes sends me AI stuff. Today, he apparently asked the Google AI about my furry identity. So… today, I learned that *most* of the info Google’s AI possesses regarding my furry identity is roughly thirteen and a half years out of date.
We were invited to thanksgiving by friends and Pippin is upside down on the couch with his tongue out, and everyone was oohing and aahing about how cute it is. But I had to warn the girl at the business end of the dog about the farts and she was like "oh okay!" until she encountered a Pippin toot
Achieved my dream scenario where Claude takes over a project when Codex runs out of usage, all while execution is happening on a remote machine and I manage things from my laptop
lovey has surgery in the morning... back i go into the gauntlet of Giving A Cat Meds. i am exceptionally good at it mostly but god liquid meds... theyre Rough. here's hoping she's too high to do her funny trick where she takes a cone off in 11 seconds!!!
Oh, you want people to call it SI do you? Stupid intelligence? What do you mean you're not happy with that assessment?... AI it is then. As you were.
Alt text for the English only speakers: Two deer hide from the sun behind individual round hay bales. The way they are sat, both on the same side (in the shadow), both facing away from the bales, makes it look like they are giant snails, with the bales their shells.
If it wasn't worth writing it's not worth reading...
Hark! What light through yonder window breaks? And is that toast? I love toast! These are pictures of my dog. #Dogs #DogsOfMastodon #DogsOfBlueSky
can’t believe i just had to tell my husband not to seek medical advice from chatGPT 😫 jfc
Interviewer: "...can you explain this gap in your resume?" Me: "I took a nap. It was a very good nap."
To fix all the mistakes made by AI haha
Me: Back in the 90s, everyone used to put Jack-in-the-Box heads on their car antenna. My kids: 😶 Me: And if you spotted one, you could poke your friend and say “Jack Attack!” My kids: 😶
Me: Tomorrow's our anniversary, let's go out for dinner. Wife: We have food here. Me: Thank you Captain Obvious. that was my inner voice. Me: No, we are going out. It's nice to treat ourselves.
haha I love just checking out all the wild mushrooms this time of ye- what's that? no, actually we didn't see any chantrelles, which is a little weird but no big deal that's just how it is with mushrooms I'm fine with it personally because it's all about like just getting out there right *sobs*
My kid today: “taxis are insane, they’re like Ubers you don’t need an app for”
by Tonybts2 #humour
Drinking tea sitting at my correctly sized table in my correctly sized chair instead of the tiny apartment furniture, my skeleton feels so nice TAT I think furniture here must be like shovels where the dimensional standard was set a hundred years ago and never updated for post-famine heights.
What do you call a fly in a black and yellow jumper? A wannabee. #funny #jokes #dadjokes
Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your résumé? Time travel. I could have listed what I did in 1066, but it was unrelated to my work.
Me (to these socks): There was a time when you were the hot new socks, now you're the I-didnt-do-my-washing socks
I’ve got a date in an hour and I can’t find my gloves, mask, or tarp. Guess I’m the one who choked.
Husband: "When all you have is a hammer-" Me: "All your toolbelts better have some tongs."
At a renaissance faire, during the joust the announcer said the score was "Two to zero" and I said, "That's ridiculous, these people woulldn't know about zero" and my friend's husband thought that was the funniest thing he'd ever heard
A pair of assassins named Terms and Conditions
