last time I tooled around on a brand new X account it took me less than a minute to hit a high-octane slur, but I thought, hey, maybe John’s right and it’s changed. had a stopwatch going this time, 73 seconds
Laugh · page 7
Further down today’s ranking of Laugh: page 7 of 7. Posts the model is less sure belong here come last.
Neighbors probably wondering why I am fixing my car while wearing a fashionable new denim jacket 🤪
More in Laugh
The model is less sure these belong here, so they sit outside the ranking.
reduce our dependence on fossil fuels: ❌ buy fossil fuels from our enemies: ✅
Came across a brand new BMW with the next-gen front grille and now I can't unsee it 🫣 #bmw
It’s decorative #carryshitolympics season, mfers
When your wifi stops working, you don't freak out, right? You just reboot it and try again. A quick reset like that can help uncross your brain's wires, too.
Behold the cutest knock-off Pikachu I have ever seen! I had to buy them! 😆
If the Rapex is "Medievil punishment" then I say, let the punishment fit the crime. Rape is a Medievil attack, it should have died in the Middle Ages, so it deserves a Medievil defense. Spikes in the penis is pretty generous, if you ask me.
Leaked nudes, or an even more profound violation, like leaked podcast circulation numbers.
Salmon goes flop after spawning and will be wildlife food in the PNW cycle of life
it's about 0430 here and i hunger for fufu thanks to a conversation i had on the #Fediverse ... would try to make it myself, but the last time i tried, i was informed i insulted my wife's side of the family's culture. they were dead serious, so i don't do "surprises" any more.
My only complaint about the ocean is someone put too much salt in it.
When the firefighter looks terrified and says "Yeah, that'll do it." youtube.com/shorts/Edar5tpGIfI #Firefigher #comedy #funny
MrsD, heading into another clothes shop: "I won't be a minute". Me thinking, that's true, you won't! 😉
i was like "why am i so fucking irritable today" while i was at the shops and then i was like "oh i need to buy coffee because we ran out yesterday OHHHHHHHH"
Clear your mind and think of the frog.
Forgetting to put water in the coffee machine is the number 1 sign I need more coffee. 🤦
You're focusing on the wrong part of the story and need to get to the scariest question of all. Why 𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓃'𝓉 you wearing a cape?
I'm tempted to put an 'Out-Of-Office' on my emails for the next two weeks. But something is telling me I will need the distraction. Did I mention we have a museum show opening in Montreal next month. If this is me managing my nervous system then I should probably just go walk it off.
Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your resume? Me: My immune system decided that my spine should be one single, solid bone.
I've lived in my current neighborhood before, and last week I rejoined the council-run gym. I was doing squats today when a staff member approached me. "Have you been away for a while? I haven't seen you here for a bit" Reader, the last time i was there was 2013.
Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your CV? Barrister: No, that would be an admission against interest.
gay yearning as i am once again alone
hey chat what if i suddenly changed my name huh 'cause like i've changed everything else already and with that i've severed any connection to "Northy" as a name, proooobably for the better as that name has links to uh, you know, an arms manufacturer. there was a time i saw that as a plus, not now.
I know good internet advice is never post your Ls online, but the temptation to write a blog post about how 2026 has been the most challenging year to date of my career / my employability / my late-capitalism compatibility is calling me like a fucking siren.
I always check my work calendar on Sunday nights to make sure I don't have to wake up early for a meeting, I just noticed that a proposal that was due tomorrow was due first thing in the morning (which should be illegal) so I wrote it up real quick and sent it and then noticed a typo
did it, :thenpcsinhitmanwhenyouthrowabrickacrosstheroomtodistracthem:
A train leaves Chicago at 63 mph carrying 14 penguins and 6 divorced clowns. Another leaves Boston traveling at the speed of Thursday. If 7 watermelons owe back taxes and the conductor's grandmother is purple, how many pancakes must a giraffe eat to keep the moon from becoming an electrician?
Miss ONE bath…
"How would this shower could at scale"
She yodeled back to the lonely goatherd "Ladle odle ladle bye-bye!" . #DontAskASong #HashtagGames
me if i survived a lethal injection
Should I stay or should I go... Nevermind, I'll figure that out myself #dontaskasong #HashtagGames
(What they want is my penis)
