Anyways mushrooms
the banana is the scheming eunuch of fruits
"Khajiit has wares, if you have paper"
Human chairs were not made for Orcs.
pilot on intercom: folks I’m so high right now haha just a little airline humor copilot: sir we’re still at the gate
- Knock knock! - Who's there? - The No-bell prize committee!
"oi mister, you're no longer me 'usband" mia goth, greeting shia labeouf
"Why did the Rooster go to KFC?" "He wanted to see a chicken strip."
lowkey my favorite joke from the Simpsons
I will be the first pufferfox in space in the next 20 years
#3481 Stop dancing on my magic staff!
people who lick their finger to turn a page are going extinct
[To the tune of Mr Sandman] Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom
Great news! I was connected to a professional painter by an app, and he came over right away! And I have already seen his penis.
the pickle meister won't answer my emails so i have to get the state shepherd involved and you KNOW he's going to want the wheat lesson or some bull shit in return
Fancy Words Necessary for Workplace Survival - Volume One! Ultracrepidarian (noun) A sycophant; a fawning flatterer; a brown-nosing lickspittle; a suck-up.
"This system is sick and you know it!" Seen in Vienna
simon and garfunkel have merged together to become one simonous garfunkel
when you die all the jokes you forgot before you could post them flash before your eyes
This is really funny and I'm underappreciated in my time
not now rabid raccoon apple.news/AMneOa0xOT7y...
replacing all power scaling arguments with ranking various characters by "who could most be ready to drop a tight 5 for a public audience with the least amount of preparation" and "who can be the most normal at a restaurant"
Human bodies are like giant mech suits piloted by small poops
andrew w.k. if he was a baker: you better get ready for pie
A man walks into a bar and says "ouch."
"Ouch!!" with a thud, you land on the floor of this cave. You notice that there's about five inches of tar on the ground.
im going to become a lawyer specialiZing in dog law but first i have to pass the bark exam
Wait, two words or one? Because every guy wants a ball room. It’s called a garage with a pool table.
"How did you get the nickname Groin Punch Jones" he asked, instantly regretting it
what if i became a growth lustful hulk brute drunk on gamma radiation and growing so hypermuscular and monstrous that i radiate off the growth radiation to anyone in a 10 meter radius
A farmer asks his horse, "Did you take my thesaurus?" The horse says, "No." 😂😂😂
Okrahamblone looks justlike this
inventors of the alphabet finally agreeing on what comes after "t":
there is a very specific kind of laughter that only occurs after the fifth consecutive catastrophic failure
hahahaha this worked
when something is bad i say "white people" because no-one likes those
Energy Vampires but they steal your home's electricity and run up the energy bill
"I'm so glad that I'm safe from the Obese Rabbitfucker," said the obese rabbit. "Hey," said the Obese Rabbitfucker.
“This would fix me” but it’s just playing pool and listening to music in a basement with a pretty girl
If you're old enough to compare this play to the Jeffrey Maier play, you should schedule a colonoscopy
My superhero name is Luke, my superpower you ask? Being the best Luke I can be.
Call me a rotary autocannon because I jam up after dropping a hot load.
Draculas can walk around in the day time just for the month of October
My son has sausage fingers 
instead of a housewarming gift, can you bring someone a cockwarming gift like, congrats on the cock
“The Joys of Composting: The Movie.”
Italians don't get high, naw, they get stonebaked
anytime a guy says 'im him' its short for 'im a himedanshi'
They use my semen to get the flavor in Tostitos Hint of Lime tortilla chip
What if I just started talking about the Wii excessively on both AntDude and AntDude Plus over the next few months
