https://wildroot.io/c/laugh/Today’s funny posts from every topic, ranked by Wildroot’s own model.enMon, 12 Oct 2026 11:25:36 +0000https://mastodon.world/@ifeanyiuddin/117426897032318912https://mastodon.world/users/ifeanyiuddin/statuses/117426897032318912@ifeanyiuddin@mastodon.worldLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 08:04:12 +0000In other places, public officers resign their office when snafus show up on their beats. In Nigeria, the requirement for a fubar is that the one at whose table the buck stops is sufficiently lachrymose.https://mas.to/@UpperDeck1990/117424215824326326https://mas.to/users/UpperDeck1990/statuses/117424215824326326@UpperDeck1990@mas.toLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 20:42:20 +0000McLlwain holds the record of 5 consonants. Paul Szczechura played for Tampa Bay came close. Martin Frk played in Detroit, and has no vowels. The most famous name with mostly consonants might be director Krzysztof Kieślowski who made Three Colours trilogy (‘93-‘94). #hockeycardshttps://bsky.app/profile/ayolland.bsky.social/post/3mxn5yirkfc2aat://did:plc:pg2kh67syi4dm27a42ufrtpz/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn5yirkfc2a@ayolland.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:31:59 +0000I have long held that it's not possible to substantively iterate on the greatest video game known to humankind, but sometimes a true visionary comes along and makes you question your core tenets.https://mastodon.me.uk/@thegreatgonzo/117422295090279843https://mastodon.me.uk/users/thegreatgonzo/statuses/117422295090279843@thegreatgonzo@mastodon.me.ukLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 12:33:52 +0000Dear outraged Wallace & Gromit fans. No, they have not announced that your favourite clay dog is getting a voice in the next outing for the pair. Martin Freeman is reading the audiobook of Gromit's autobiography so you get to hear his impression of what was communicated to Nick Park to write down. And as ever, you are not being forced to partake.https://hachyderm.io/@akareilly/117421633893521911https://hachyderm.io/users/akareilly/statuses/117421633893521911@akareilly@hachyderm.ioLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 09:45:42 +0000Some tech assholes in Silicon Valley read “Don’t Create the Torment Nexus” as an instruction manual, but they’re not the only ones. Variations: “My Torment Nexus is Open Source and Any Humanities People Complaining Are Just Too Lazy to Learn to Code so They Can Be Smart Like Me and Take Part in This Conversation” “The Only Torment Nexus Here is a San Francisco Hackerspace Without a Code of Conduct” “Sovereign, EU-Funded Torment Nexus” “What You are Referring to as the Linux Racism Machine is Well Actually the GNU/Linux Racism Machine…”https://social.coop/@dajb/117426568744011827https://social.coop/users/dajb/statuses/117426568744011827@dajb@social.coopLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 06:40:42 +0000Plague House update: Me: Day 6, lingering cough Wife: Day 4, feeling rough, in bed Son: Day 3, feeling rough, in bed Daughter: SEEMINGLY IMMUNE AND GOT ME TO DRIVE HER TO THE GYM AT 7AMhttps://bsky.app/profile/ontologista.bsky.social/post/3mxnmu7lxak2zat://did:plc:voxyfz5pk6y2kfut2cww7s7y/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnmu7lxak2z@ontologista.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:58:02 +0000Robert the cat has ignored the late residents’ cat trees. This week I used the keyword “Maine coon cat tree” and came across an appropriate sized tree for all 18 lbs of former street cat.https://bsky.app/profile/moviessilently.bsky.social/post/3mxnkshvooc2jat://did:plc:tpg3qzw3niphci6ne5wdprfr/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnkshvooc2j@moviessilently.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:21:16 +0000Interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume? Early film archivist: "The surviving nitrate print had considerable mildew and decay and we reassembled continuity using German censorship records and still photos."https://bsky.app/profile/leslieylinen.bsky.social/post/3mxnh6l33vk2eat://did:plc:jhz77oqdr4p34p4skfc4dlg5/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnh6l33vk2e@leslieylinen.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:16:27 +0000I haven’t reread this since I moved from SF to Portland and the thing is that everyone IS actually foraging for breakfast mushrooms.https://mastodon.social/@Richard_Littler/117421403664485872https://mastodon.social/users/Richard_Littler/statuses/117421403664485872@Richard_Littler@mastodon.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 08:47:09 +0000I was just searching for lists of 5-letter nouns. Of course, Google AI pushed its way to the top of the results to offer, among others, 'allow', 'drench', 'script', and 'flight'. Thanks HAL, you're an indispensable, stone-cold brain trauma.https://woof.group/@chcartworks/117427196800491417https://woof.group/users/chcartworks/statuses/117427196800491417@chcartworks@woof.groupLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:20:26 +0000It should be against the law to send feedback-free job application rejections out on Monday morning. Monday is hard enough without *that* email landing in your inbox before you’ve even reached lunchtime.https://bsky.app/profile/bouldercast.com/post/3mxnac4kxfk2dat://did:plc:bkqap2kwt753c5yw3nuklegy/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnac4kxfk2d@bouldercast.comLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 00:13:10 +0000Who had "Mid-October Severe Thunderstorm" on their Colorado weather bingo card? ⛈️ This pathetic looking decaying thunderstorm in southeast Colorado briefly prompted a warning for strong 60 MPH winds as it collapsed this evening. #cowxhttps://bsky.app/profile/bwjones.bsky.social/post/3mxn5pahhn22cat://did:plc:kto2dmrqhkenhylt7e32fivb/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn5pahhn22c@bwjones.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:26:49 +0000Me: WAT? Bacteria that are 0.6 mm long? Also me: Searching for largest known bacterium in the world which is Candidatus (Thiomargarita magnifica). It’s… ready for it? . . . . . . . . . . Up to 2 cm in size! Like, you don’t even need a microscope to see that. There is interesting science there…https://bsky.app/profile/mehr.nz/post/3mxnfwxt5s22oat://did:plc:v6qwaqo24zfrq5fj7ceibxqk/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnfwxt5s22o@mehr.nzLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:54:18 +0000Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your CV? Scientist: I made it in TeX and can't figure out how to remove the gap but I also don't want to get yelled at if I post a question on stackexchange, so I have instead decided to appreciate the gap, which is still therehttps://mastodon.social/@realTuckFrumper/117420190301588278https://mastodon.social/users/realTuckFrumper/statuses/117420190301588278@realTuckFrumper@mastodon.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 03:38:35 +0000Trump hijacked a New York campaign rally to whine about losing the Nobel Peace Prize and called Letitia James "a dog." The Nobel committee might consider adding "handles disappointment like a functioning adult" to its selection criteria. #NobelPeacePrizehttps://bsky.app/profile/ioletsgo.gay/post/3mxn7ywbxnk2sat://did:plc:yv3gwyazmfhzok6meufpcbby/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn7ywbxnk2s@ioletsgo.gayLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 00:08:01 +0000The first Ultima game has you travel from medieval town to twon in order to get enough money to buy a hover car and then a space ship, where the game then transforms into a space shooter where you have to destroy 20 ships to get a time machine to defeat The Evil Wizard Mondainhttps://mas.to/@jakalopes/117422768838464435https://mas.to/users/jakalopes/statuses/117422768838464435@jakalopes@mas.toLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 14:34:20 +0000Things that happen in the film A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 that I need you to know about: -2 guy's bare asses are shown -the main character accidentally meets his gym teacher in a gay bar -Freddy Krueger tortures someone in a school gym by whipping them with a towel -there are 2 rottweilers wearing human baby masks -a parrot spontaneously combusts #halloween #horror #filmshttps://hachyderm.io/@akareilly/117422243248318612https://hachyderm.io/users/akareilly/statuses/117422243248318612@akareilly@hachyderm.ioLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 12:20:40 +0000Thursday will be Lemmy and Craig’s gotcha day. One year of tabby supervision and judgement. Plus getting hunted for sport by Craig lest we forget that he may be small but he is A MIGHTY AMBUSH HUNTER! Lemmy likes watching people work, but by enforcing breaks to pet the cat, I think he’s in a union. #AdventuresOfCraigAndLemmy #CatsOfMastondonhttps://hachyderm.io/@johnnydecimal/117427255319652693https://hachyderm.io/users/johnnydecimal/statuses/117427255319652693@johnnydecimal@hachyderm.ioLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:35:19 +0000Making pasta sauce from scratch in a Korean Airbnb with frankly abysmal tools. Me: "I think I've done alright. I'd have @siracusa over for dinner." Lucy: "Great! He could bring his new mousepad over to show us."https://bsky.app/profile/adamchalmers.com/post/3mxnkccpm522jat://did:plc:3ohd5nodgvayjdegkhzayr6q/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnkccpm522j@adamchalmers.comLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:12:14 +0000It's machine learning if it answers math questions. It's artificial intelligence if it writes novel math proofs. It's super intelligence when the contract says you have to call it that.https://mastodon.scot/@ravenbait/117421891750226317https://mastodon.scot/users/ravenbait/statuses/117421891750226317@ravenbait@mastodon.scotLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 10:51:17 +0000Mr Bait just came down and said, "Good job I saw you eating jam this morning!" I had cherry jam on my toast and, unbeknownst to me, a blob fell off onto my jumper. He found it on the bathroom floor and, because, well, I frequently have things go wrong, he thought for a moment I'd done something horrible to myself and hadn't noticed yet. Again. But no. Jam.https://bsky.app/profile/ceresultra.bsky.social/post/3mxnmcox2ts27at://did:plc:vmd2rykxvluxj4rywoy2eu2e/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnmcox2ts27@ceresultra.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:48:14 +0000Interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume? Early Magic: The Gathering player: strictly speaking that gap doesn't exist any more due to The Mending. I have an out of print novel explaining it, but it's barely canon. Anyways they should bring mana burn back & put damage on the stack againhttps://bsky.app/profile/longwhitecoats.bsky.social/post/3mxoa4hqb7k25at://did:plc:jrjzs5q5rfkie2jowmvxvv66/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxoa4hqb7k25@longwhitecoats.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:42:40 +0000look at these things. silliest gait I've ever seen. motherfuckers unlimited. I asked the waitress about them and she said yes, they do just live wild around here, but -- and I quote -- "They're so daft."https://bsky.app/profile/all-paperclips.bsky.social/post/3mxn3z2j27c2cat://did:plc:rvkbczphgh3krtnopp2oobty/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn3z2j27c2c@all-paperclips.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 22:56:31 +0000Frontier lab PR side project: RubeAI. A swarm of agents set loose on the Internet looking for scammers. They role-play as perfect marks, flooding the scammers' inboxes with fake leads and taking things as far as possible then ghosting right before payment.https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/post/3mxocicuzui2uat://did:plc:tbrthh5pfovhdv5pkdhocnub/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxocicuzui2u@fesshole.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:25:05 +0000I somehow managed to get to 51 and a bit years without knowing salt goes in the shaker with more than one hole and the pepper goes in the shaker with one hole. I apologise to everyone I ever offended who came to a dinner party and wondered what psychopath my wife had marriedhttps://bsky.app/profile/yourdigitalbrain.bsky.social/post/3mxo7zxntqq2nat://did:plc:6qsr3ebzrptzaycswv63nnh4/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxo7zxntqq2n@yourdigitalbrain.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:41:00 +0000Gentoo penguins propose with pebbles. If she accepts the stone, the bond is sealed or strengthened, so Edinburgh Zoo scatters colored pebbles every breeding season for males to court their mates.https://tweesecake.social/@jokes/117425949180222461https://tweesecake.social/users/jokes/statuses/117425949180222461@jokes@tweesecake.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 04:03:09 +0000Q: Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships? A: So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.https://bsky.app/profile/parrykylie.bsky.social/post/3mxn5kfzmxk2zat://did:plc:lkqneyxyjjzqcpz526lsgiou/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn5kfzmxk2z@parrykylie.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:24:07 +0000If our dogs had an old school dating profile: Sugar 6yrs young Loves walks, napping and scratches Hates someone touching her when she's asleep, being brushed, late feeding time and lawnmowers. Has zero recall and loves all people and most dogs.https://bsky.app/profile/tantzaerine.bsky.social/post/3mxodjzbg5s2jat://did:plc:ag4q2xvdryfmha4h2o4yaxf7/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxodjzbg5s2j@tantzaerine.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:43:56 +0000I was 'the girl in the hat' because I insisted on going to school in a fedora and I carried around a notebook where I wrote stories. Once, returning from a school excursion I was the only one who had working batteries in my boombox so I forced the whole school bus to listen to 'Hey Jude' on repeat.https://dice.camp/@Printdevil/117422197047460402https://dice.camp/users/Printdevil/statuses/117422197047460402@Printdevil@dice.campLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 12:08:56 +0000Younger daughter "I need a fake moustache" Me "When for?" YD "Tomorrow for school" Me "Bit late to ask" YD "There is literally a box marked Moustaches and Wigs" Me "You've known me long enough to realise that might be a red herring" YD "Is it?" Me "No." YD "You are not tuff"https://mas.to/@hungry_joe/117426884008483515https://mas.to/users/hungry_joe/statuses/117426884008483515@hungry_joe@mas.toLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 08:00:53 +0000gf: there's lipstick on your dick, are you cheating on me? me *remembering earlier when my gf was asleep and i used her lipstick to draw marilyn monroe's face on my dick and made it sing happy birthday to me*: yeshttps://bsky.app/profile/larryranting.bsky.social/post/3mxn665rm3s24at://did:plc:zx46zxaglcm3tyoa2gunulmn/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn665rm3s24@larryranting.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:35:09 +0000Women love it when you tell them to smile more, which is why I tell my wife to smile every morning. Wait. That came out wrong. Women hate it when you tell them to smile more, which is why I make my wife coffee every morning instead of asking her to punch me in the face.https://dmv.community/@PaulAnomaly/117419819574692656https://dmv.community/users/PaulAnomaly/statuses/117419819574692656@PaulAnomaly@dmv.communityLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 02:04:18 +0000Went to a birthday party for one of my kids' classmates. There were a dozen white dads all in Carrhartts, hoodies, trucker caps and the same beard, and there was me, regretting my shirt with buttons and pants with stripes. An gathering of Amish or Orthodox Jewish men would have had more variety.https://theforkiverse.com/@Char1ie/117419743095275839https://theforkiverse.com/ap/users/115891738732279908/statuses/117419743095275839@Char1ie@theforkiverse.comLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 01:44:51 +0000How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but nobody knows how they got in there. #dadjokeshttps://bsky.app/profile/maddave7.bsky.social/post/3mxnk5fnysc2uat://did:plc:4ky3prt3lyari75yjrzcu4y4/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnk5fnysc2u@maddave7.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:09:29 +0000When I was a kid, I loved stories where a lord, count, or baron answered the call of adventure. So, I wanted a title of my own and to answer the call, too. The closest I ever came to that was the day the pizza delivery guy called me "Chief" and invited me to have a few beers in his rusty van.https://bsky.app/profile/thatingrid.bsky.social/post/3mxnj5kpbr22bat://did:plc:zd5zduazpht7za3o4ku7p65s/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnj5kpbr22b@thatingrid.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:51:40 +0000Encounter in hospital lift: toddler stares at me. "Why's that lady wearing a mask?" I answered: because I'm protecting myself. His mum: there's lots of bugs in a hospital. 🙃🙃🙃 And yet no other masks to be seen.https://bsky.app/profile/srslymagenta.bsky.social/post/3mxn5bv324s2nat://did:plc:afj3o7yatzf64x5gekjalbad/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn5bv324s2n@srslymagenta.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:19:21 +0000Talking to Lil bro in Oregon. Bro: no, we don't have a HOA Me: ooooh, you could paint your house Optimus colts! Your doorbell could say, "Autobots, Roll Out!" Bro: no, because my doorbell is actually fart noises.... And I'd have to jailbreak my security system, and...(gets distracted)https://bsky.app/profile/cedar-river.bsky.social/post/3mxnweuex722sat://did:plc:v5wbnqthg5g375crcfk4gino/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnweuex722s@cedar-river.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 06:48:24 +0000Unlike the past years of my life, when it gets late, I just completely shut down. Need sleep. No helping it. Girlfriend has taken to calling it "turning into a pumpkin." Humiliated and adored any time I start to get super sleepy and I hear the loving coo of "oh no, she's turning into a pumpkin!"https://hachyderm.io/@lady_alys/117419506990521892https://hachyderm.io/users/lady_alys/statuses/117419506990521892@lady_alys@hachyderm.ioLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 00:44:48 +0000me on weekdays: I'm so busy with work. I'll do this housework on the weekend. me on weekends: Wow that week was stressful. I need downtime. I'll do this housework during next week. me today: Why no clean underwear?!https://bsky.app/profile/softboner.bsky.social/post/3mxnfz6qgy22rat://did:plc:tfxqegoeoh5l3gfhjrajx6qz/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnfz6qgy22r@softboner.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:55:32 +0000Do you want to come to my apartment warming party? “Who’s going to be there?” Me. “Who else?” You. “Anyone else?” Probly not. “Does that count as a party?” Depends on what we do I guess. Oh, I forgot. There’s also a mannequin!https://hachyderm.io/@zkamvar/117423477469736083https://hachyderm.io/users/zkamvar/statuses/117423477469736083@zkamvar@hachyderm.ioLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 17:34:33 +0000Friends are renting a cabin in Mt. Hood and this was one of the notes left in the guestbook. What the hell does this even mean???https://bsky.app/profile/twiggietime.bsky.social/post/3mxn63gmnys23at://did:plc:btnzxey7iikjtv6amfxmgoaj/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn63gmnys23@twiggietime.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:33:38 +0000Feeding the dog with The Child™ when The Child™ reaches out and knocks the bowl over. The Child™: That wasn't me. Me: Oh? The Child™: I have 56 hands living inside of my body. One of them POPPED RIGHT OUT. Did that. But then it went back." Me: I see.https://bsky.app/profile/lotographia.bsky.social/post/3mxno4tdzjs2gat://did:plc:spbngfi4oo7q6byokgfo3jxj/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxno4tdzjs2g@lotographia.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 04:20:45 +0000First year university hall residence I was voted "most likely to appear on the 6 o'clock news". I have no idea what that meant. My entire personality at the time was "depressed".https://c.im/@AaronDavid/117424306531591749https://c.im/users/AaronDavid/statuses/117424306531591749@AaronDavid@c.imLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 21:05:24 +0000I was sat on the bed the other day pulling my boxers off and my wife said 'You spoil those dogs.'https://equestria.social/@madayar/117422282459456059https://equestria.social/users/madayar/statuses/117422282459456059@madayar@equestria.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 12:30:39 +0000Being lonely is talking to an OF Phish on Snapchat for the entirety of my grandmother's noon nap because there might be a real human behind it - sadly, seemingly not. But at least I know that I can still ignore the lure.https://beige.party/@flux/117423958870528707https://beige.party/users/flux/statuses/117423958870528707@flux@beige.partyLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 19:36:59 +0000im giving a last mopping down the lobby before my shift is over because it is quite rainy and the lobby begs extra mopping my workmate is in the office watching me through the plate glass window and he yells thats a lost cause ! and i kinda just blow him off because i fucking know its a lost cause but someone dragged really muddy streaks through my bathroom and out the door !! then he claps for me sarcastically i guess ? which i dont even really get but it pissed me the fuck offhttps://bsky.app/profile/philjohnsoncomedy.bsky.social/post/3mxmpifp5g225at://did:plc:hbmy5g4y5eaffm4ld235fo2r/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxmpifp5g225@philjohnsoncomedy.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 19:12:27 +0000My girlfriend said voting on all these propositions on the ballot feels like homework. I said, yeah, except when we had homework we didn't have to assume both the textbook and teacher were lying to us.https://newsie.social/@ProgressivePower/117426448205112555https://newsie.social/users/ProgressivePower/statuses/117426448205112555@ProgressivePower@newsie.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 06:10:03 +0000Mike Tyson has really turned to the darkside now!https://mastodon.gamedev.place/@Hjalte/117422310234891980https://mastodon.gamedev.place/users/Hjalte/statuses/117422310234891980@Hjalte@mastodon.gamedev.placeLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 12:37:43 +0000Me looking at all the tasks I still have to do on BIG DIG #pixelart #indiedev #gamedevhttps://bsky.app/profile/mommywiseau.bsky.social/post/3mxniygtqs223at://did:plc:f44hvo5sdrtlh6osurlx64vn/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxniygtqs223@mommywiseau.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:48:49 +0000explaining orson welles to a weeb: so basically this guy pioneered the audio drama. then he started making movies. you could say Citizen Kane was the first "seinen" of film. and with F for Fake he invented the "gainax ending"https://bsky.app/profile/sashakhan.bsky.social/post/3mxmfh3u7x22vat://did:plc:b3ijowoc66eormkxgmhc2ouu/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxmfh3u7x22v@sashakhan.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 16:12:46 +0000Did you know that the U.S. Army offered Blur wads of cash to use this song in the introduction of the stealth bomber? Of course they said NO! youtu.be/SSbBvKaM6sk?...https://bsky.app/profile/bengeza617.bsky.social/post/3mxoctfaczk22at://did:plc:ifu7vhgqyunsadibxia5rss4/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxoctfaczk22@bengeza617.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:31:16 +0000Take me a-ray… 10/5/2026 #BlockHeadZ #comic #art #artist #humor #Halloween #vampire #sunshinehttps://bsky.app/profile/gralefrit.bsky.social/post/3mxo6fmlcvc27at://did:plc:h7i5c5h36nldfd7rrumnqc3d/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxo6fmlcvc27@gralefrit.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:11:59 +0000Jimmy Carr has a book out next year on how comedy works. I greatly enjoyed his first swing at this for Penguin, now out of print, and appreciate the direct competition. Let battle commence. And whatever happens, I’ll be paying the tax on any earnings from mine.https://bsky.app/profile/neutral.zone/post/3mxnf3dsv6k2mat://did:plc:dki5xu3vgyo7ubl7vaw55zzq/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnf3dsv6k2m@neutral.zoneLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:38:51 +0000I finally fixed labelwatch tonight, hopefully for good, and the root cause was utterly banal: I entirely forgot about complete data lifecycle management. Yeah, it was always collecting, never discarding.https://freeatlantis.com/@Java/117419147818845623https://freeatlantis.com/users/Java/statuses/117419147818845623@Java@freeatlantis.comLaughSat, 10 Oct 2026 23:13:28 +0000My husband went to pick up prescriptions at Harris Teeter. They asked if he wanted a flu shot. He said no, and they said they're giving out a $50 store credit if you get it there. Huh?https://bsky.app/profile/midwestache.bsky.social/post/3mxnn3bu5rc2pat://did:plc:vaevyimmc6eat2rqyupxarhy/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnn3bu5rc2p@midwestache.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 04:01:59 +0000Folks like to focus on how concerning it is that a group of crows is called a “murder” but we don’t talk nearly enough about a group of frogs being called an “army.”https://bsky.app/profile/daviss.org/post/3mxnglhjlc22cat://did:plc:ww5g23kfduhj2ihwgno6dqt2/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnglhjlc22c@daviss.orgLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:05:46 +0000overheard tonight at OG ZaZa pizza in Uptown, some guy talking about his tenants "i was driving by a little bit ago and saw a bunch of cops have hennepin ave closed, another wild saunday night in uptown huh" (it was open streets hennepin)https://bsky.app/profile/jttg.bsky.social/post/3mxoalqgnwc2hat://did:plc:3uzfkxnczgflk3kf6vx5qcto/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxoalqgnwc2h@jttg.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:51:12 +0000Let it be known that last night, at 11pm, I made myself porridge. I added clotted cream, nutella and a seed mix. (I almost mis-typed that as "Sex Mix") It was glorious. I might do it again tonight. THIS is what true freedom means to me.https://hci.social/@chrisamaphone/117423663377205284https://hci.social/users/chrisamaphone/statuses/117423663377205284@chrisamaphone@hci.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 18:21:50 +0000someone sent me a nice personal (i thought) note about a project i worked on over a decade ago. after mulling over it in the back of my head for 3 days while attending to more urgent matters, i finally wrote a response. the reply comes 7 minutes later and ends with "(full transparency: i'm [name]'s AI assistant, helping him with emails)" this shit is going to break me yall.https://glasgow.social/@craignicol/117422481196661942https://glasgow.social/users/craignicol/statuses/117422481196661942@craignicol@glasgow.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 13:21:11 +0000My brain has decided to rewrite the lyrics to The Proclaimers' Throw The R Away in honour of their transphobia. So now my head is full of "I wouldn't know a single word to say, if I couldn't be so foul and throw your rights away"https://toot.cat/@woozle/117422708529969581https://toot.cat/users/woozle/statuses/117422708529969581@woozle@toot.catLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 14:19:00 +0000in Soviet Amerika, private equity owns you #lowQualityPosthttps://bsky.app/profile/cockremover.bsky.social/post/3mxnzpaj2ds26at://did:plc:hdfrgtchoulcxlfzl2qsqdec/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnzpaj2ds26@cockremover.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 07:47:54 +0000mitochondria are the incels of the cellhttps://bsky.app/profile/lore.house/post/3mxnevlgiok2eat://did:plc:mvsj7wwyvl4fegc3cozmlfut/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnevlgiok2e@lore.houseLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:35:38 +0000Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your resume? SAHM: That was when I devoted myself to humanitarian work in early childhood development and literacy, providing food security for people with special requirements, and large-scale, long-term project management for a variety of community needs.https://noauthority.social/@SiRrogueKnight/117423585049466424https://noauthority.social/users/SiRrogueKnight/statuses/117423585049466424@SiRrogueKnight@noauthority.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 18:01:55 +0000Giant half stunt star and half rock star performers... don't piss them off... 🤣 youtube.com/watch?v=0Y6UEF9zVAIhttps://bsky.app/profile/crowlandwrites.bsky.social/post/3mxnqo6vpmk25at://did:plc:gvcsxec4ael2r6h352432yt3/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnqo6vpmk25@crowlandwrites.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 05:06:15 +0000This reminds me of when one of my Blood Lords players got infected with ghoul fever and wanted it cured, but messed up the check to find help and ended up at a "ghoul fever clinic" where they give you ghoul fever to make you a ghoul.https://dobbs.town/@DoktorLanulos/117419593852479113https://dobbs.town/ap/users/117219765822245497/statuses/117419593852479113@DoktorLanulos@dobbs.townLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 01:06:54 +0000Nicolas Cage was also excellent opposite Streep in the heartwarming romcom When Harry Wet Sally as evidenced in this poorly recorded Bass and Theremin video made shortly after me spilling Thai Food on my kitchen floorhttps://mathstodon.xyz/@mra/117421184055046420https://mathstodon.xyz/users/mra/statuses/117421184055046420@mra@mathstodon.xyzLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 07:51:18 +0000to indulge in quoting from a song: john henry told his captain a man ain't nothing but a man but before i let your steam drill beat me down i'll die with a hammer in my hand, oh lord i'll die with a hammer in my handhttps://bsky.app/profile/sparrrorow-art.bsky.social/post/3mxn75tyhr22rat://did:plc:kr7whlqm7udeqhlf7lhcwyfk/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn75tyhr22r@sparrrorow-art.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:52:53 +0000i've played #endacopia #digitalarthttps://mastodon.scot/@pretendscottishpublishingnews/117422362055936373https://mastodon.scot/users/pretendscottishpublishingnews/statuses/117422362055936373@pretendscottishpublishingnews@mastodon.scotLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 12:50:53 +0000BREAKING SCOTTISH PUBLISHING NEWS: A spectacular party held at the SYP Conference for the bestselling sci-fi book '50 reasons to Go to Scotland' was ruined by the classic Scottish, consistent rain, ruining the chance of a film deal. The book has so far made £50 quadrillion in its opening week and will become Scotland's new national text.https://bsky.app/profile/geekcritique.org/post/3mxo5rejtbs2jat://did:plc:q5humkvvlr7rg7ta7ppuqilu/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxo5rejtbs2j@geekcritique.orgLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:00:40 +0000I will never care if BlueSky is popular. I did forensics in high school. That's where you travel to other schools with a prepared acting piece and get judged against other students doing the same. Theater kids, but *competitive*.https://bsky.app/profile/phil-tanner.mastodon.philtanner.com.ap.brid.gy/post/3mxnqq44amil2at://did:plc:3a2rfiel62me7cvh3bd5shfg/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnqq44amil2@phil-tanner.mastodon.philtanner.com.ap.brid.gyLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 05:07:01 +0000I bought some "anti snoring" nasal strips today and just looked at the back of the packet. I'm confused. They were out on the shelf, and the store was DEFINITELY less than 30°C. I'm not even sure where i can store these that will remain above 30° at all times 🤯https://bsky.app/profile/toadcialism.bsky.social/post/3mxnjjwsysk26at://did:plc:osv5cueazrl6qthqvjs7wsdc/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnjjwsysk26@toadcialism.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:58:36 +0000Interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume? Me: Ask the biggest lace monitor in Australia. Time has no meaning to him.https://mastodon.social/@anolandria/117422677321924247https://mastodon.social/users/anolandria/statuses/117422677321924247@anolandria@mastodon.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 14:11:04 +0000With Halloween on the way, this is your reminder to communicate very clearly if you plan to coordinate outfits. 😂https://woof.group/@StronkBear/117424131961060391https://woof.group/users/StronkBear/statuses/117424131961060391@StronkBear@woof.groupLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 20:21:00 +0000Call me Demolition Man, the way I’m looking at this pizza.https://masto.nyc/@GetMisch/117424478504590763https://masto.nyc/users/GetMisch/statuses/117424478504590763@GetMisch@masto.nycLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 21:49:08 +0000Sam's Club's A.I. generated image for Li'l Debbie Oatmeal Cookie tacos generated quite the buzz before it was taken down LOL 48-pack h/t: BethCato #SamsClub #LittleDebbie #snacks #cookies #Individually #wrapped #taco #cookies #artifical not so #intelligent #intelligencehttps://bsky.app/profile/cyberpuritan.bsky.social/post/3mxnlhuliwk2pat://did:plc:ge43iv5sow44urfxjlarmswc/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnlhuliwk2p@cyberpuritan.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:33:14 +0000for a couple days ive been wanting to make a joke like "every time i have ever laid eyes on a [some massive american corporate chain] it has been against my will and without my consent" but every massive american corporate chain has all these political fuckin associations that would corrupt the jokehttps://fosstodon.org/@nutjob4life/117419861565191435https://fosstodon.org/users/nutjob4life/statuses/117419861565191435@nutjob4life@fosstodon.orgLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 02:14:59 +0000ME: Just got out of prison. Served 40 years. HER: Forty years?! For cutting paper with Mom’s fabric scissors? ME: Nah, that was only 20. Got another 20 for turning on the dome light while Dad was driving.https://bsky.app/profile/leaskyd.bsky.social/post/3mxo6zhio622aat://did:plc:yscrlsf57czxjuitsjm6or73/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxo6zhio622a@leaskyd.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:23:05 +0000I wrote up a story on the biggest money laundering fine in French history - imposed on a bank partly owned by Celtic’s main shareholder - and some commenters decided it was designed to put off the team’s players ahead of an inconsequential midweek Scottish league match.https://mastodon.gamedev.place/@hanakogames/117424517779990151https://mastodon.gamedev.place/users/hanakogames/statuses/117424517779990151@hanakogames@mastodon.gamedev.placeLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 21:59:07 +0000A prince running around an isometric puzzle kingdom is not yuri and also this game came out two years ago and has positive reviews, why send it to an obviously-wrong curator NOW? #CurationWoeshttps://bsky.app/profile/brucemackay.bsky.social/post/3mxo4pmb6yk2uat://did:plc:t7udhskkkpryd3deyozcgwj3/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxo4pmb6yk2u@brucemackay.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 08:41:47 +0000Its cool how in the opening scene of The Desolation of Smaug, Gandalf gives Thorin Oakenshield a flyer for a local black metal show but Thorin is like: "No thanks, those guys are posers, they haven't desecrated any barrows and use way too much synth for my taste."https://mastodon.social/@NWBison/117425541468138097https://mastodon.social/users/NWBison/statuses/117425541468138097@NWBison@mastodon.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:19:27 +0000anything by Ed Ask-ew, but particularly songs from his album “Ask the Unicorn“ #DontAskASong #HashTagGameshttps://bsky.app/profile/seventydys.bsky.social/post/3mxod6tuvfs2eat://did:plc:3wfsxvw5dhp7m7jzgwhkgtuh/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxod6tuvfs2e@seventydys.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:37:41 +0000Nearing the 33rd anniversary of staying in a Best Western in Anchorage, Alaska, eating grilled cheese sandwiches & reading Salammbô while listening to Steely Dan on the radio. At 3am in the airport bookstore I was helping to open I placed a copy of Fear & Trembling on the shelf. It sold immediately.https://lgbtqia.space/@andy_the_frazzled/117425379875776536https://lgbtqia.space/users/andy_the_frazzled/statuses/117425379875776536@andy_the_frazzled@lgbtqia.spaceLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:38:22 +0000I have submitted a message requesting a dental appointment. This is not the same level of adulting as GOING TO a dental appointment, but I feel it deserves recognition.https://mastodon.nl/@OllieOpMasto/117421560942295312https://mastodon.nl/ap/users/116040791562718417/statuses/117421560942295312@OllieOpMasto@mastodon.nlLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 09:27:09 +0000Me when my hooman asks me how she is supposed to get another cup of coffee #RedHairDontCarehttps://bsky.app/profile/alyssonfergison.com/post/3mxne43ox7c2fat://did:plc:lqvsqsm4bjxqeue3bulyhvwl/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxne43ox7c2f@alyssonfergison.comLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:21:22 +0000Whoo, boy... that was not ladylike at alllllll, what I just did to that Hook & Ladder sub. I'm glad you weren't here to witness that. No one needed to see what just happened to that poor sandwich. But it fulfilled its destiny in a big way and left this world with championship spirit!https://mamot.fr/@corpsmoderne/117423185069734114https://mamot.fr/users/corpsmoderne/statuses/117423185069734114@corpsmoderne@mamot.frLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 16:20:12 +0000Content warning: AI, doomism, shitpost, meme. Open the post to read it.https://bsky.app/profile/doctorzen.net/post/3mxnguhlb4c2oat://did:plc:fywkyppwdx3ewh7vcla6qcmd/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnguhlb4c2o@doctorzen.netLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:10:48 +0000Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your CV? Charles Darwin: That our employment collections are very imperfect, is admitted by every one. These many links we could hardly ever expect to discover, owing to the imperfection of the employment record.https://bsky.app/profile/pettyintrigues.bsky.social/post/3mxngpaaqf22wat://did:plc:bihdagwzlkj3vfi3beb6wwsg/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxngpaaqf22w@pettyintrigues.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:07:52 +0000SWA switched to Elon’s internet. Way faster, I admit. Trade off? They got rid of live TV. So I’m following the Brew Crew on BlueSky like it is a May game against the Marlins or whatever.https://bsky.app/profile/animalonline.bsky.social/post/3mxnzyyfv2s26at://did:plc:mbhww6tk2n64eibnoebt2s7u/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnzyyfv2s26@animalonline.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 07:53:21 +0000I have made a slopsoftware recomp of uhhh Ball In Cup. Look at me go, I’m swinging around a ball and I’m going to get it in that cup one of these days — and this time, it’s a native port! Maybe!https://mastodon.green/@ronanmcd/117427262339632451https://mastodon.green/users/ronanmcd/statuses/117427262339632451@ronanmcd@mastodon.greenLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:37:06 +0000Maybe the media could stop referring to Russell Brand as a comedian now?https://bsky.app/profile/ernie.tedium.co/post/3mxn5uwyqjs2xat://did:plc:hss3j2uwxdxklj6f3bx7ch5y/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn5uwyqjs2x@ernie.tedium.coLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:30:00 +0000This post made me realize that John Stamos has technically been a periodic guest member of The Beach Boys longer than Brian Wilson was an actual member.https://mas.to/@matricardo/117422016224812455https://mas.to/users/matricardo/statuses/117422016224812455@matricardo@mas.toLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 11:22:56 +0000It's gives me such a happy little spring in my step to hear that I've sold more copies of my book than Suella Braverman has sold of hers.https://bsky.app/profile/mikeey.bsky.social/post/3mxnsp2hir22jat://did:plc:gdqx7tqrcbc6regtnczsvzp4/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnsp2hir22j@mikeey.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 05:42:31 +0000The body dysmorphia has been in high gear the whole cruise so far. There’s been so many shirtless gods by the pool that I’ve felt like a gross un-muscled blob this whole time, only taking my top off in the privacy of the balcony. I hate it. I’ve got a lot of work to do when I get back to change thathttps://wandering.shop/@jkirkendall/117422608261559695https://wandering.shop/users/jkirkendall/statuses/117422608261559695@jkirkendall@wandering.shopLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 13:53:30 +0000Maggie the Poodle is inordinately interested in my morning breath. Also, happy rainy Sunday!https://mastodon.me.uk/@CatherineFlick/117422836085586120https://mastodon.me.uk/users/CatherineFlick/statuses/117422836085586120@CatherineFlick@mastodon.me.ukLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 14:51:26 +0000Having a cursed bbq dayhttps://bsky.app/profile/iramona.bsky.social/post/3mxmw5upoe225at://did:plc:65fexqbpdzpgjbrwzns7fx4v/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxmw5upoe225@iramona.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 21:11:50 +0000Today’s bright idea. I’m starting a new religion. Its primary tenant is that we do not engage with artificial intelligence customer service. Now I’m just gonna say “it’s against my religion to communicate with artificial intelligence customer service bots.https://ravenation.club/@lathamgreen/117424041870003261https://ravenation.club/users/lathamgreen/statuses/117424041870003261@lathamgreen@ravenation.clubLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 19:58:05 +0000One day, a man sat upon a very large and flat rock. He looked up at the sky. The clouds were foreboding and dark black, and yet no rain fell. Then a frog hopped onto the rock and said, "Do you think it will rain?" The man said, "Well, I do not think so, for it is a dry season." Then the frog said, "Guess what? There is an emerald in your mouth." And sure enough, the man felt an emerald in his mouth, and it was a good day.https://bsky.app/profile/glider.bsky.social/post/3mxocmsc37k2zat://did:plc:n7bdmwpmk6wuynm4yam76nen/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxocmsc37k2z@glider.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:27:35 +0000Football would benefit massively if Manchester City's penalties included a demotion to League Two (plus paying all local costs including local security.) Three years of big paydays and big thrills for clubs further down the ladder, local economies boosted, massive schadenfreude dividend.https://woof.group/@JockNut/117420251948498099https://woof.group/users/JockNut/statuses/117420251948498099@JockNut@woof.groupLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 03:54:16 +0000Boyfriends are watching Ready or Not 2.https://bsky.app/profile/ericraglin1992.bsky.social/post/3mxmnzmw3ec2gat://did:plc:66von2iag66asdkjbmalpuex/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxmnzmw3ec2g@ericraglin1992.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 18:46:17 +0000Record shop visit with a friend: -Mistook Morrissey for Charlie Kirk -Learned that The Greatest Showman is metal -Found out Trapt and Meghan Trainor are shelf buddies alphabeticallyhttps://bsky.app/profile/mconcagh.bsky.social/post/3mxnjdp2yuc2mat://did:plc:74abwefl5athb2eqbaaqkwh6/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnjdp2yuc2m@mconcagh.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:55:06 +0000The Island of Sodor is steam engine Israel.https://bsky.app/profile/livvytrouble.bsky.social/post/3mxo6huuyy22eat://did:plc:wzg3njwjlvmu6vfhlu4sddcp/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxo6huuyy22e@livvytrouble.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:13:15 +0000Sat in the GPs surgery & there's a woman on her phone very loudly discussing that she needs needles & a restraining order... I think her Mondays are a lot more exciting than ours 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣https://bsky.app/profile/bjornfr.bsky.social/post/3mxoca4zi3s22at://did:plc:27ib524fjdl6ceswi2jfz3q7/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxoca4zi3s22@bjornfr.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:20:30 +0000Why do you never see an elephant in a city? They're too good at hiding behind lampposts.https://bsky.app/profile/welbot.com.au/post/3mxnpbqk7jkrjat://did:plc:niwbfblm5vhqenbiaaxhosnv/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnpbqk7jkrj@welbot.com.auLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 04:41:23 +0000Damn good thing they're not a laxative, cos I can easily put away half a pack of the dark choc covered ones in a single sitting 😂https://bsky.app/profile/sophiebeerdraws.bsky.social/post/3mxngepdmc22jat://did:plc:a6gnjxrfnhztbq4cptxzdtud/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxngepdmc22j@sophiebeerdraws.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:01:59 +0000To the lady at the Bulimba cafe this morning loudly bragging that she has an AI agent doing her job for her now and her bosses will never find out: you're complicating my pro-worker stance.https://bsky.app/profile/japrenticewrites.bsky.social/post/3mxnilgxijs2lat://did:plc:c75tyn67kuicpqhnsdcoabh4/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnilgxijs2l@japrenticewrites.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:41:33 +0000Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your CV? Me: That was when I solved the case of the giant rat of Sumatra, a tale for which the world is not yet ready.https://bsky.app/profile/daringantt.bsky.social/post/3mxna22zlrc2aat://did:plc:hthxyokkw7fxqsrln44gryep/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxna22zlrc2a@daringantt.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 00:08:40 +0000Producers of televised football games have such incredible power that I hope they realize. Because for the last 45 minutes I’ve been walking around doing laundry and dishes and singing ODB’s “Got Your Money” and the wife’s about to kill me.https://freeatlantis.com/@libertypatriot/117422301825522119https://freeatlantis.com/users/libertypatriot/statuses/117422301825522119@libertypatriot@freeatlantis.comLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 12:35:34 +0000youtube.com/watch?v=rdWAGFLnOUghttps://bsky.app/profile/bulklogan.bsky.social/post/3mxnghrz4dc2kat://did:plc:wjqosho2blgku5q7educi4na/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnghrz4dc2k@bulklogan.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:03:42 +0000Actually can't remember. Metallica had gone downhill and I spent many years cycling between Tool, Radiohead, Nirvana...got reprimanded for playing Nine Inch Nails too loud my first day at college This post makes guessing my age pretty easyhttps://bsky.app/profile/grannygoatfish.bsky.social/post/3mxmzfhavbc2zat://did:plc:k4wx6vlrlvdhmrfi4wa6muyq/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxmzfhavbc2z@grannygoatfish.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 22:09:45 +0000I sure would like to be making something delicious for Thanksgiving tomorrow, but instead my sinuses are throwing a fit at the weather and I have a headache that's making my ears ring. It's a bit like turning into an old television set when it had a good aura of static gathered around it.https://bsky.app/profile/sharynmorrow.com/post/3mxnlbe44kk2oat://did:plc:dtnybxeya2mxqy3xpfj2jykr/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnlbe44kk2o@sharynmorrow.comLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:29:35 +0000An interesting encounter up North. We checked into our lodging then met up with friends for dinner. We pulled up to our place after to find a black bear tearing apart the trash bins full of the previous occupants’ garbage. We drove away to the office. Where we were told that’s just Bear-tholomew.https://bsky.app/profile/azfell-esq.bsky.social/post/3mxnnwpxu722dat://did:plc:2elx44ewsny25y7o6nkdgs7h/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnnwpxu722d@azfell-esq.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 04:17:20 +00005:01 AM, the cottage bedroom: I made a robust vegetarian meal last night, and we savaged it like wild creatures. We both ate so much that we decided to save dessert (pumpkin-walnut cake) for breakfast. I plan to heat the cake slightly, then top with cream cheese. *tiny shoulder wiggle* ✨️✨️✨️https://bsky.app/profile/siva-ashaman.bsky.social/post/3mxocyakmtc2bat://did:plc:bdu3b3kblk5brb3bv735ut6o/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxocyakmtc2b@siva-ashaman.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:33:59 +0000Interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume? Software developer: Ohh, right. AIhttps://bsky.app/profile/graehall.bsky.social/post/3mxnmcgoqtk2fat://did:plc:j7umbsjb3bpcxvrvglnbyirt/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnmcgoqtk2f@graehall.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:48:05 +0000Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your resume? Designer: Yes, if you turn the page over you can see all the words are printed on that sidehttps://bsky.app/profile/antronicsltd.bsky.social/post/3mxnywmjc2c2nat://did:plc:nglm26jnbdr5a6jvljm6xej5/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnywmjc2c2n@antronicsltd.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 07:34:07 +0000"A large hole has appeared in the middle of the pitch at Old Trafford. Grounds staff are looking into it"https://bsky.app/profile/megrowler.fangraphs.com/post/3mxnrllyne226at://did:plc:fjnzur565q23hemdcoedqxxr/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnrllyne226@megrowler.fangraphs.comLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 05:22:41 +0000normal person watching John Oliver: wow, where and how generic drugs are manufactured is super important me: see, Liberty Biberty, *these* guys don’t have teethhttps://bsky.app/profile/arcadiaego.bsky.social/post/3mxo4fj3u5c2mat://did:plc:q74klzrxjltm3q4c3aqymv62/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxo4fj3u5c2m@arcadiaego.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 08:36:08 +0000My favourite band was a folk rock ensemble founded in 1967.https://bsky.app/profile/ambercyprian.bsky.social/post/3mxnffondrs2cat://did:plc:2c6otgg7sqxaspya6xx6n3b6/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnffondrs2c@ambercyprian.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:44:38 +0000A story in two images about my sleep pattern today.https://mas.to/@returntosender/117419819437870947https://mas.to/users/returntosender/statuses/117419819437870947@returntosender@mas.toLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 02:04:16 +0000oh, you want some #catsofmastodon #cats #Humor #caturdayhttps://bsky.app/profile/rr4idic.bsky.social/post/3mxnata33wk2sat://did:plc:pvixb7gfcmr2ki2nk3sysi2e/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnata33wk2s@rr4idic.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 00:22:44 +0000Result of today's cooking adventure: verified that the kitchen smoke alarm works. (Don't worry, nothing was on fire, just a touch too hot... and I needed to open the windows. It was fine! The resulting naan was delicious! Just messy.)https://bsky.app/profile/baumarius.bsky.social/post/3mxn44k625c2aat://did:plc:yb4k6uk2hcgivivgfgnn5w53/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn44k625c2a@baumarius.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 22:58:28 +0000Legally speaking, AI music is just vaporwave. Though it's several orders of magnitude more ecologically and economically destructive. You could just make vaporwave.https://bsky.app/profile/kateywumpus.bsky.social/post/3mxnoc4og7c2sat://did:plc:ardcbodk3hsw3gptumh7kywj/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnoc4og7c2s@kateywumpus.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 04:23:42 +0000So my housemate has severe ADD, and as such he kept losing a bunch of stuff. So I gave him my cute Pikachu bowl and told him, whenever you take something out of your pocket, it goes in the Pikachu. Where does it go? In the Pikachu. The amount of stuff he's lost has decreased dramatically.https://bsky.app/profile/eccantwell.bsky.social/post/3mxnhpix5qc23at://did:plc:qh4odfwxubnzhfu45s3kv36y/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnhpix5qc23@eccantwell.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:25:55 +0000Does anyone else have the sports superstition where if you have the game on but you have to run out for a quick errand or something, you believe you have to LEAVE the game on your TV while you’re out or else you’ll lose? Or is this just my neurosis?https://bsky.app/profile/matttomic.bsky.social/post/3mxocnav2l22oat://did:plc:bumu6s332o24fppobse7j3ms/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxocnav2l22o@matttomic.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:27:51 +0000SNL simply has no choice but to have Shane Gillis host twice a year for the rest of time. No one else has his ability to stare directly at the cue cards for his lines like a toddler sounding out Dr. Seuss while combining it with razor-sharp material like "calling stuff gay"https://bsky.app/profile/np-photos.bsky.social/post/3mxo7j3ip5c2dat://did:plc:r3hjluy3zh53di5lp2eqf72w/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxo7j3ip5c2d@np-photos.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:31:49 +0000Executive dysfunction question: Do you put off tasks until the last minute? Me: Nope, I would never Also me: *puts off cooking until I'm too hungry to cook* Here's a recent photo of a hare.https://bsky.app/profile/talesfrompurgatory.bsky.social/post/3mxnse5zf2c2fat://did:plc:77rtehktxx2gcucpo5yaasbw/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnse5zf2c2f@talesfrompurgatory.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 05:36:26 +0000The thing about having three littermate puppies is they don’t default to human communication. Dog is their mother tongue, so they tell you they’re happy to see you by gently chewing on your face Add this to my semi-verbal husband who mostly communicates by sticking his finger in my ear andhttps://bsky.app/profile/peanutpatch.bsky.social/post/3mxnmy2ypls2tat://did:plc:cnujwbvdlbkypcqx3rwsglj6/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnmy2ypls2t@peanutpatch.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 04:00:11 +0000Soda is always a semi regret because fun peanut fact. I can’t burp. So I’ll just be hiccuping for an hour. But, zero sugar vanilla howler root beer…..https://bsky.app/profile/philipmichaels.bsky.social/post/3mxnja5cdv22yat://did:plc:bkixpkc4kxooo5l7tyccl2gd/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnja5cdv22y@philipmichaels.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:53:07 +0000“We used Google Cloud to confuse correlation with causation!” — those MLB/Google Gemini ads, essentiallyhttps://mastodon.social/@Colarusso/117424713184201311https://mastodon.social/users/Colarusso/statuses/117424713184201311@Colarusso@mastodon.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 22:48:49 +00008yo: What does “procrastinate” mean? [A few moments later, after having her question answered and being asked to clean something up…] 8yo: You taught me a new word, and I’m going to use it!https://bsky.app/profile/txbutallofit.bsky.social/post/3mxn5kzbvo22pat://did:plc:e32nnjs7pjdd3pygvo6fws4x/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn5kzbvo22p@txbutallofit.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:24:27 +0000I have built the greatest fantasy football team in the country. This month-long bottomfeeder has been retooled. The playoffs go through Paul Blake’s Quantum Leap. *laughs maniacally* *loses next week*https://bsky.app/profile/nocatsnomasters.bsky.social/post/3mxny63tyy22sat://did:plc:lyarbqrrgmm2zjcclcnpxfpd/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxny63tyy22s@nocatsnomasters.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 07:20:25 +0000I want Monster Hunter World as nature documentary. Just have each episode follow one large monster, talking about it and its habitat, then a ten minute fight sequence when it tries to eat the film crew. Get David Attenborough, it'd be like printing money.https://bsky.app/profile/tinyrayray.bsky.social/post/3mxo2k5tifc2hat://did:plc:kw7f5h2oegpf7hkfjqbuwqss/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxo2k5tifc2h@tinyrayray.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 08:02:57 +0000“Still punk as fuck” I whisper to myself as I take painkillers with my high protein high fiber breakfast smoothiehttps://bsky.app/profile/sampaguitaii.bsky.social/post/3mxmvkrff6s2fat://did:plc:lobsorlysnzxyj5tfyj7eio3/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxmvkrff6s2f@sampaguitaii.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 21:01:09 +0000I want to apologise for all the snide comments I have when American reporters have measured things using refrigerators, toasters, football fields or large/small size boulders.https://bsky.app/profile/fuzzywuzzyto.bsky.social/post/3mxn4zjfw5c2bat://did:plc:cazazvjr7flzwjgpy6joincx/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn4zjfw5c2b@fuzzywuzzyto.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:14:40 +0000Someone concocted the recipe for this giant vegan turd, tried the result, and decided "Yes, that's it. That's a marketable product that will help sustain this company".https://hactivedirectory.com/@josh/117424403910243425https://hactivedirectory.com/users/josh/statuses/117424403910243425@josh@hactivedirectory.comLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 21:30:10 +0000You know, I used to think I was smart: there was a time, in my own life, when I had assessed that I was a smart (or smart enough) person. Then I tried to read my electric bill.https://bsky.app/profile/miawong.bsky.social/post/3mxnep5cr7c2jat://did:plc:ttnjjwyfpplpl6qyynvt3tbw/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnep5cr7c2j@miawong.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:32:02 +0000Russian bot net going down because of the data center strike? Not real. Rashawn Slater Joe Alt Russian psyops? Absolutely real and I can prove it I just need to avoid baloneys and carry around a Geiger counter for the rest of my life Moreover, ICE must be destroyedhttps://bsky.app/profile/buchanan.today/post/3mxng2tsa3c2iat://did:plc:v3qidkwdgquq42eikzvtevlp/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxng2tsa3c2i@buchanan.todayLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:56:28 +0000I’m torn between: Homer reading his prescription label: "Toke as needed. Caution: objects may appear more edible than they actually are”; and, Dr. Hibbert telling him "Homer, for your eyes, the best tonic is chronic" both from the 2002 "Weekend at Burnsie's" episode.https://bsky.app/profile/sarasoueidan.com/post/3mxntc4y4n22mat://did:plc:yh22zowuadedswsugd7ndazh/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxntc4y4n22m@sarasoueidan.comLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 05:53:11 +0000I'm sick in bed with a strong flue (which is almost offending because I haven't been sick in a long time 🥲) so I thought to myself: "I'm gonna relax and read a book" So I bought a book about excellence. I've barely made it a few pages in before I thought to myself "yeah this isn't gonna happen" 🥲https://bsky.app/profile/sesquiotic.bsky.social/post/3mxnkm6ftmk2qat://did:plc:mzhrncelvcicnuvszvlkbfnb/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnkm6ftmk2q@sesquiotic.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:17:45 +0000Interviewer: Can you explain this Gap in your résumé? Actor: I was tired of working in restaurants so I tried a clothing storehttps://bsky.app/profile/soxmachine.com/post/3mxn7us5wrk2kat://did:plc:mkkiggz6ty75czlt42zmlet4/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn7us5wrk2k@soxmachine.comLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 00:05:43 +00004-year-old watching Dodgers-Brewers in the other room: "Daaaaaad, I don't see Munetaka Murakami." How do I tell him?https://bsky.app/profile/garik16.bsky.social/post/3mxn6xuv2fk2hat://did:plc:ktaom65e7cjtzhpiuqsovoao/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn6xuv2fk2h@garik16.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:49:32 +0000Toddler is watching (old) sesame street while having dinner and I’m cracking up at the Grover game of thrones parody of Chairsteros, where musical chairs is how they decide who will rule. “I cannot think of a worse ending!” “Don’t lose your head Ned” omg lolhttps://theforkiverse.com/@ChrisChris/117424531421014362https://theforkiverse.com/ap/users/116103489970893439/statuses/117424531421014362@ChrisChris@theforkiverse.comLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 22:02:35 +0000Looked up the actual elevation gain on a trail I've called "flat" for six years. It isn't flat. I have been lying to several dozen people with total confidence. #hiking #outdoorshttps://bsky.app/profile/nkfinity.bsky.social/post/3mxn6kkv6oc2dat://did:plc:cvkdhdjauym3sxfgx2w7heml/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxn6kkv6oc2d@nkfinity.bsky.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 23:42:06 +0000My wife, with a super worried expression “I hear some screaming from the neighbors?” Me, looking up from my phone 49ers just won. Nothing to worry about.https://bsky.app/profile/dougmakingstuff.com/post/3mxniq44vkk2cat://did:plc:jtk3dz6pec7suod5lfzkg57c/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxniq44vkk2c@dougmakingstuff.comLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:44:09 +0000The entirety of the Sven and Ole pier joke (as filmed by Ingmar Bergman)https://bsky.app/profile/artistaudh.bsky.social/post/3mxnnqlqcv227at://did:plc:btjczyouunxy7ewwc2nw3tj4/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnnqlqcv227@artistaudh.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 04:13:54 +0000I wore a Monty Python and the Holy Grail knight costume that I made myself complete with coconuts to school on Halloween in 10th grade.https://bsky.app/profile/clarkaddison.bsky.social/post/3mxnme5f2m22xat://did:plc:fy2zph5tdizuq6ylx7ol3w5r/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnme5f2m22x@clarkaddison.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:49:03 +0000“Bowl of gruel as a permanent facial expression” motherfucker. “You won a dinner w Paul Finebaum!” What are we going to discuss? Turtle Wax vs Armor All? Greatest Alabama backup nickel between 1998-2003? Tommy Tubberville’s preferred pecan? Riveting shit. No wonder his wife falls asleep mid-coitus.https://bsky.app/profile/1mirandaallen.bsky.social/post/3mxnedxabdc2cat://did:plc:zs3p4mtff6uyiwm2iiecsxhv/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnedxabdc2c@1mirandaallen.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:25:46 +0000Update: it was 2002. I watched all the end credits to get to the Roman numerals.https://mastodon.derg.nz/@anthropy/117423562542933509https://mastodon.derg.nz/users/anthropy/statuses/117423562542933509@anthropy@mastodon.derg.nzLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 17:56:11 +0000> "can you explain this gap in your resume" *whispering* stray bullets when I shot up the previous place. I slipped with my massive machete. it's a burn mark from my flamethrower. I spilled some napalm. I spilled some aqua regalia. I spilled some blood of a coworker on it and fixed it with Tipp-Ex. *clears throat* sorry yes that's uh, my sabbatical, I uh, took some time to work on myself. Optimized my strategy. Worked on long horizon improvements. I'll circle back on that. I'll let you know w-https://bsky.app/profile/bardofwinter.bsky.social/post/3mxndhspasc2zat://did:plc:hbkyypxwttd4dkw6fhpdihzo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxndhspasc2z@bardofwinter.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:10:02 +0000"Welcome home, we're having dinner! Oh, no, we didn't make enough for you, why?" The only meals I've eaten in this house in the last week were ones I cooked. Including ones I cooked for them, too. No wonder I can't afford to do anything like get a hair cut, all my money goes to food.https://ieji.de/@Huubje/117420230793020392https://ieji.de/users/Huubje/statuses/117420230793020392@Huubje@ieji.deLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 03:48:53 +0000Apparently I am the grungler. I am sober enough to walk home but not to fully understand. I assume this is a good thing. If so I am happily the grungler. If not wtf is a grungler?https://bsky.app/profile/crackopenablueski.bsky.social/post/3mxny2mktx22qat://did:plc:rgz7gxkde5d5ge6txdqw5cks/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxny2mktx22q@crackopenablueski.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 07:18:28 +0000I rented a white tux for my senior prom, only to use the jacket so I could look like Indy in Temple of Doom. My gf (now wife) and I got dressed up and then skipped the dance entirely to hit the local pizzaria/arcade. We played the TMNT machine for an hour. I am immune to popularity.https://bsky.app/profile/joshthomas.bsky.social/post/3mxna6yfecc2kat://did:plc:3g245rssvojeb7c6waaq2s2d/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxna6yfecc2k@joshthomas.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 00:11:25 +0000I had a couple olives from the jar in the fridge, 3 yo noticed them for the first time, and begged for one, insisting even after I said she REALLY wouldn’t like them I gave her half of one, and I stg, the combo look of disgust with the olive, and disgust with me for eating them, it was priceless 😂https://mindly.social/@alan/117424015061963750https://mindly.social/users/alan/statuses/117424015061963750@alan@mindly.socialLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 19:51:16 +0000Cooking with nerds: Me: How long should I nuke this for? Her: 58±3s, depending on the size of the egg. Me: Got it.https://bsky.app/profile/lettersfromthedead.bsky.social/post/3mxnsjhfldk24at://did:plc:dr3ndwdp3kowt2lnnjvobgrv/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnsjhfldk24@lettersfromthedead.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 05:39:23 +0000Have you ever gotten shitfaced and then tried to quietly cook something while every other person in the house is sleeping? I can't believe how loud everything is. I'm stirring pasta and it sounds like there's a cement mixer in my living room. Okay I'll check back in later.https://bsky.app/profile/danzierlea.bsky.social/post/3mxnh523np22oat://did:plc:oii4el2dy6ug2lfco5qbp362/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnh523np22o@danzierlea.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:15:36 +0000Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your resume? Radio operator: *whisks away resume* You didn't hear anything.https://social.vivaldi.net/@brucelawson/117427527883816456https://social.vivaldi.net/users/brucelawson/statuses/117427527883816456@brucelawson@social.vivaldi.netLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:44:38 +0000Last week, I had to go to somewhere called "Brussels" (which is on The Continent). I returned unharmed. Here's what happened: brucelawson.co.uk/2026/eu-eu-i…https://dood.net/objects/5e85170e-1bf8-4d32-a63c-98005147b80ehttps://dood.net/objects/5e85170e-1bf8-4d32-a63c-98005147b80e@rossgrady@dood.netLaughSun, 11 Oct 2026 21:53:53 +0000This year I have standardized on using the term "douchenozzle" to describe those fucking dudes in their loud-ass cars, driving around, revving their engines, backfiring. Only I say it SO OFTEN that it has now been shortened to "schnozzle."https://bsky.app/profile/ajbr.bsky.social/post/3mxnd633mys2oat://did:plc:6gdw34c5jjssh776wwt76io6/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnd633mys2o@ajbr.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 01:04:35 +0000On the phone with my mom: "Yeah its been a pretty boring week, not much to note. We don't do much down here" three minutes later "Oh you'd find this funny. Last week when I got my photo taken with Bidens I told Dr. Biden..."https://bsky.app/profile/tjttotal.bsky.social/post/3mxocqd2mts2oat://did:plc:3i2xtptlggwdqymqoetddnnf/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxocqd2mts2o@tjttotal.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:29:34 +0000In the 70s Stevie Wonder tried to launch a range of military grade protective clothing made entirely from fruit fibres. My Cherry Armour #Lunchpun #HaveALaughhttps://bsky.app/profile/tibookchatter.bsky.social/post/3mxnalc4yrk2nat://did:plc:xpaz5cbive7loudav3sl2ied/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnalc4yrk2n@tibookchatter.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 00:18:18 +0000Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy that isn’t a selfie. A student made me a bracelet and asked me what I wanted on it, I said “my name” so naturally he gave me one with HIS name, spelled wrong. This describes my energy quite accurately. Patric energy.https://bsky.app/profile/shrimperial.bsky.social/post/3mxnt3qhdzc2dat://did:plc:4mgm4lpwhjfe2rj722gio34r/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnt3qhdzc2d@shrimperial.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 05:49:37 +0000so we have a slight burglary problem at work with our storage container, and our managers bright idea was to chain it shut with dog leads because “it will deter them since they will need to bring bolt cutters” guess what happened nexthttps://mas.to/@cjwirth/117427294458162000https://mas.to/users/cjwirth/statuses/117427294458162000@cjwirth@mas.toLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 09:45:16 +0000Wife says to me, “it’s a good thing your handwriting is so bad. If the kid can learn to read that, you can be sure he’ll be able to read anything.”https://bsky.app/profile/volcanohead.bsky.social/post/3mxnvjchzuc26at://did:plc:braql2x6cbe2nk637ah37idv/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnvjchzuc26@volcanohead.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 06:32:59 +0000Far be it from me not to just let my past works speak for themselves.... but in case y'all didn't know, I once got paid a $20 bonus to instruct a flock of K-mart shoppers in how to perform the Macarena. Where image-fragility is concerned, I am unfuckwithable.https://beige.party/@TheBreadmonkey/117426685060631091https://beige.party/users/TheBreadmonkey/statuses/117426685060631091@TheBreadmonkey@beige.partyLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 07:10:17 +0000Good morning, comrades. You creatures of light and darkness. Shining etherea and monstrous beasts that shuffle around in the gloom, always just slightly out of sight, but waiting with jaws and tentacles for those travellers who stray from the path. Hungry. Always so hungry. Anyway you know what day it is? That's right! It's another one! I hope you have a tolerable day, friends. That you find some joy and spread it about a bit. Really get that joy out there. Force it on people. TAKE MY JOY. There's no escape. God I wish I lived on a desert island. Sleep sleep sleep. Coconut collecting. Make friends with some fish. Sunbathe. Have a nap. Dinner. Bed. Bleurgh.https://bsky.app/profile/amaditalks.bsky.social/post/3mxnhjhrhbs2hat://did:plc:qmu5auqwzgwutebewndwhzb6/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnhjhrhbs2h@amaditalks.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:22:33 +0000When people younger than I am lament their age online I frequently say to them that I am wearing a shirt that is older than they are, and it's true, I have three shirts that I bought in my junior year of high school, 1987-88. I just took off my favorite and I fear it's reached its end. 😭https://mastodon.acc.sunet.se/@toxy/117427384185174707https://mastodon.acc.sunet.se/users/toxy/statuses/117427384185174707@toxy@mastodon.acc.sunet.seLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 10:08:05 +0000Another rabbit-hole ambush. I was minding my own business, working away, lost focus and somehow ended up reading in-depth articles about mediaeval prosthetics. Damn my brain!https://bsky.app/profile/thunderflower.bsky.social/post/3mxnqe6obnk2uat://did:plc:2zfvfjcev2pknsvy73qsyo32/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnqe6obnk2u@thunderflower.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 05:00:39 +0000my robot girlfriend died because i kept shoving pencils into her charge port like she was a macbookhttps://bsky.app/profile/imcmillan.bsky.social/post/3mxnrh2g62s25at://did:plc:4k2th7xpajjelzy3ose4cp44/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnrh2g62s25@imcmillan.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 05:20:09 +0000The shop is open when I arrive. I carry the papers in and the shopkeeper hands me the scissors. I ask if she is getting earlier or I’m getting later; she says she is getting earlier. I’m reassured.https://bsky.app/profile/wiilp.bsky.social/post/3mxo2vj5epk2dat://did:plc:b2ahog4tp76xwbq2upehj7ba/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxo2vj5epk2d@wiilp.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 08:09:18 +0000Saturday: reconfigure hot water system to burn negative price electricity Sunday: reconfigure hot water system for free electricity Happy Hours Monday: forgot to put it all back to normal, showers are cold, I'm in the doghousehttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobgalapagos.bsky.social/post/3mxnm6vtp4s27at://did:plc:a73hfmhg3k6y7a2ywtmyjqxz/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnm6vtp4s27@jacobgalapagos.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 03:46:07 +0000Oh my god I forgot at the gay bar last night I was peeing, which can take a hot sec bc I get pee shy, and the guy to my right looked at me and shouted “FOCUS… FOCUS” like I will light the dynamite right now and take us all downhttps://bsky.app/profile/euphiecat.bsky.social/post/3mxnzdxi5xk2mat://did:plc:wyhjfqirpanrq24hhw5pu5al/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnzdxi5xk2m@euphiecat.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 07:41:35 +0000Sometimes I hyperfocus so much, I lose all ability to function outside of my task 🙂 So I put salt in my cup of coffee today and bumped my shins into 3 tables today 🙂🙂https://bsky.app/profile/hellrrraiser.bsky.social/post/3mxnh4rz5ac27at://did:plc:mcnoip5yrltblphyuzhhx5sm/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxnh4rz5ac27@hellrrraiser.bsky.socialLaughMon, 12 Oct 2026 02:15:27 +0000The best part about building a reputation as a traveler among your friends and family is that, when one of them invites you somewhere and you don’t want to go, you can just say you’ll be out of town and they’ll believe you.