https://wildroot.io/c/humor/Today’s top posts about Humor, ranked by Wildroot’s own model.enThu, 08 Oct 2026 10:29:06 +0000https://bsky.app/profile/lethalityjane.bsky.social/post/3mxdlm6v4qc2eat://did:plc:xhmwhdq4pj2wh5jeucxjhay2/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxdlm6v4qc2e@lethalityjane.bsky.socialHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 04:09:01 +0000[cuddling with my three year old] Me: where did my baby go? 3 y/o: he's in JAIL!https://mastodon.social/@mcc/117401492092896096https://mastodon.social/users/mcc/statuses/117401492092896096@mcc@mastodon.socialHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 20:23:23 +0000Essentially, my plan is to do the computer equivalent of moving to a cabin in the woods with a solar panel and a well I dug myself. Additionally, and for entirely unrelated reasons, I have also been considering literally moving to a literal cabin in the literal woods with a literal solar panel and well. However, I would not dig the literal well myself. That seems like the kind of thing you want an experienced person who is aware of relevant Ontario regulations to do.https://bsky.app/profile/tyschalter.com/post/3mxdheoojds2oat://did:plc:mnqfxks3lrdcr7z5p3qstpf2/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxdheoojds2o@tyschalter.comHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 02:53:15 +0000hey. yeah. you know what? yeah. that's right. tattoo this shit on my gravestonehttps://tweesecake.social/@jokes/117398742105439067https://tweesecake.social/users/jokes/statuses/117398742105439067@jokes@tweesecake.socialHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 08:44:01 +0000Q: Do you know what killed the man who had a two ton pumpkin fall on him? A: He was squashed.https://bsky.app/profile/snakeroot.bsky.social/post/3mxdjt2mla22cat://did:plc:3jx7kqg2clsqjh5tepxa2zxb/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxdjt2mla22c@snakeroot.bsky.socialHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 03:37:04 +0000[Whisper app] I don't think Crab Man realizes he left the "hit" out of "hit it" in his "only [hit] it from the back" tweethttps://brands.town/@TormentNexus/117400642058682088https://brands.town/users/TormentNexus/statuses/117400642058682088@TormentNexus@brands.townHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 16:47:12 +0000At Torment Nexus, we believe in innovation and disruption of the set ways of the industry. Where others employ an orphan crushing machine, we ask the question: what if a (metaphorical, not legally proven to actually exist) orphan shredder is more efficient?https://bsky.app/profile/banditelli.org/post/3mxdgvhlrxc2kat://did:plc:555c53zqgqs55yh6gvttf5uv/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxdgvhlrxc2k@banditelli.orgHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 02:44:44 +0000You're walking down the street. We lock eyes. Then I pull out my phone. I look serious. Then I ask the question nobody expects: "You wanna see a shitload of pelicans?" 🪶 🦑https://mastodon.social/@Richard_Littler/117399098915391722https://mastodon.social/users/Richard_Littler/statuses/117399098915391722@Richard_Littler@mastodon.socialHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 10:14:46 +0000Don't worry about it, sharp-edged table leg; I've still got 9 more toenails (you insentient wooden twat).https://bsky.app/profile/emilystjams.bsky.social/post/3mxdbx3h4pc26at://did:plc:suhzwo6gi4qqqrei47uecudc/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxdbx3h4pc26@emilystjams.bsky.socialHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 01:16:10 +0000My favorite thing about sending my child to preschool is how they come home just saying the most unhinged things that other children have told them are true.https://mastodon.social/@bsletten/117397444771206772https://mastodon.social/users/bsletten/statuses/117397444771206772@bsletten@mastodon.socialHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 03:14:06 +0000Daaaaamn. This one hurts. #genx #industrial #nin #skinnypuppy #foetus #ministry #musichttps://bsky.app/profile/charloh.online/post/3mxdph7nvl22wat://did:plc:dbdk7mgiyux6ow6ysbbwucy4/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxdph7nvl22w@charloh.onlineHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 05:17:49 +0000"I heard you struck my son." "Yes sir, I did." "Then may I ask why?" "Yeah, well, because he stole John Wick's car, sir, and uh. Killed his dog." "Oh."https://beige.party/@theropologist/117401830327951701https://beige.party/users/theropologist/statuses/117401830327951701@theropologist@beige.partyHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 21:49:24 +0000Hello it is Adminhttps://bsky.app/profile/theryusui.bsky.social/post/3mxdjkjhei22oat://did:plc:3wg5lc4imqjbg4xl5sdkdcnw/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxdjkjhei22o@theryusui.bsky.socialHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 03:32:18 +0000Alien Fungus: "Eww! There was a *human* in this pod and I've been growing out of his *eye socket!* Grody!" Human Colonist: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Alien Fungus: "Look, buddy, I'm not exactly pleased with this arrangement either"https://mastodon.social/@gwynnion/117396621436088338https://mastodon.social/users/gwynnion/statuses/117396621436088338@gwynnion@mastodon.socialHumorTue, 06 Oct 2026 23:44:43 +0000Like, "back to normal" doesn't appeal to a whole bunch of people for whom "normal" sucked.https://bsky.app/profile/darylsng.com/post/3mxdlotmzyc2kat://did:plc:biowbxmoplq4eg267f5yy5ui/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxdlotmzyc2k@darylsng.comHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 04:10:30 +0000I think I’ll refer to the lack of vowels in my family name as my vowels of silencehttps://mastodon.social/@cmconseils/117404236488801216https://mastodon.social/users/cmconseils/statuses/117404236488801216@cmconseils@mastodon.socialHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 08:01:19 +0000#meme humourhttps://bsky.app/profile/oconnell.bsky.social/post/3mxd5wjbzc22dat://did:plc:uxhenhllyanhljo5iwy2vdbp/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxd5wjbzc22d@oconnell.bsky.socialHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 00:04:16 +0000This one weird trick* will make your kids instantly and immediately leave you alone. *refusing to stop singing songs from Disney’s the Little Mermaidhttps://hactivedirectory.com/@josh/117402002883238420https://hactivedirectory.com/users/josh/statuses/117402002883238420@josh@hactivedirectory.comHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 22:33:17 +0000My request to spell “omelette” with π was rejected :(https://bsky.app/profile/gavthorpe.co.uk/post/3mxdzx3hatc2aat://did:plc:5yn5zmhqznb7fconh5kzui2r/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxdzx3hatc2a@gavthorpe.co.ukHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 08:25:39 +0000THE KRAKEN HAS JUST REMEMBERED THE 9.30am DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT AND IS CHECKING GOOGLE MAPS TO SEE IF THE SCHOOL RUN TRAFFIC IS STILL AROUND.https://fedi.computernewb.com/@elijah/117396634884055429https://fedi.computernewb.com/users/elijah/statuses/117396634884055429@elijah@fedi.computernewb.comHumorTue, 06 Oct 2026 23:48:08 +0000I'm Al Gore and I invented the internethttps://bsky.app/profile/libbyhill.bsky.social/post/3mxdc54idm22aat://did:plc:p5go7wmeju6ms57bit6kjy4s/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxdc54idm22a@libbyhill.bsky.socialHumorThu, 08 Oct 2026 01:19:32 +0000“R says that if you touch one of those [electrical socket] you’ll get really hurt but you won’t get died."https://layer8.space/@killyourfm/117396339187134231https://layer8.space/users/killyourfm/statuses/117396339187134231@killyourfm@layer8.spaceHumorTue, 06 Oct 2026 22:32:56 +0000😂🤣https://bsky.app/profile/stabbinsmcgee.bsky.social/post/3mxbgfe6z5c2gat://did:plc:jt5vgscmo7fuyegwpqcviyw7/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxbgfe6z5c2g@stabbinsmcgee.bsky.socialHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 07:30:24 +0000As you get older, you stop measuring your age in years and start measuring it in coworkers whose names end in “-eigh.”https://discordian.social/@RaysofRed/117397250486088581https://discordian.social/users/RaysofRed/statuses/117397250486088581@RaysofRed@discordian.socialHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 02:24:41 +0000Improve your mental health by throwing bricks at peoplehttps://bsky.app/profile/napearson.bsky.social/post/3mxcc7vqt6s2dat://did:plc:bwce76j7a64ojdsjznqzplbn/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxcc7vqt6s2d@napearson.bsky.socialHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 15:48:26 +0000girl suffering from erectile dysfunction be like "my dick has no game like a PS3"https://mas.to/@Gustodon/117401226742935463https://mas.to/users/Gustodon/statuses/117401226742935463@Gustodon@mas.toHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 19:15:54 +0000If you get married, you tell that person EVERYTHING.https://weird.autos/@Beth/117401325773768783https://weird.autos/ap/users/115738586278845671/statuses/117401325773768783@Beth@weird.autosHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 19:41:05 +0000If I was a drug dealer I would drive an alto workshttps://mastodon.social/@iamgerardthomas/117398746501252948https://mastodon.social/users/iamgerardthomas/statuses/117398746501252948@iamgerardthomas@mastodon.socialHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 08:45:09 +0000When shit was cool... Sony Discmanhttps://mastodonapp.uk/@GetCarter/117399762268258568https://mastodonapp.uk/users/GetCarter/statuses/117399762268258568@GetCarter@mastodonapp.ukHumorWed, 07 Oct 2026 13:03:28 +0000I'm not saying nothin'.